Why did Big reject Samantha in episode 1 SATC?

Big in episode 1, season 1 of SATC

 

Why did Big reject Samantha in episode 1?

 

I believe this is not a new topic to be discussed/written. My naïvete hampered me from thinking too bold, lol. This is triggered one fact: despite the fact that Samantha is very inspiring for me; I am more like Carrie than Samantha who is bold, highly confident, successful. Carrie is not as bold or 'up-to-date' as Samantha, although once Aidan said to Carrie, "you are anything but conventional, Carrie."

 

One time I read somewhere about Chris Noth's comment on his character Big: "Big is not shown to have many girlfriends. It is different from Carrie who has some (or many?) boyfriends in the serials of Sex and the City. After getting divorced from Samantha, he didn't have any other girlfriend, except sometimes pursuing Carrie."

 

However, a lot of people see Big a player, just like Samantha. And because Big is a successful entrepeneur, he is quite popular in many business communities, and so is Samantha who is well-known as successful PR. If Big accepts Samantha's flirtatious invitation in episode 1, his business associates will easily find out about it. It can threaten his business.

 

Big may find Samantha intimidating (with her boldness to invite him to bed) because Big would rather choose to be with a woman who is 'under his control' but at the same time 'easy to be taken into his bed'. After Big and Carrie have their relationship, and Big finds out that Carrie is not 'that easy' to control, he chooses to marry Natasha, a kinda 'classic' woman: young, gorgeous, not that smart (meaning easily to be manipulated), and submissive. Here, we can say that Big belongs to a type of man who is also classic. He views women who are smart, independent and successful (in career + money) as threat.

 

There are many men who have trait like Big in Indonesia! They don't have guts to face smart, independent and successful women because these woman are not easily manipulated. Isn't there any man who is on the way around? I believe there are but I haven't found them yet in my real life. I am not Samantha. This is why. Lol.

 

PT56 14.00 03 November 2025 

 

P.S.:

perhaps you consider visiting this link? 😀 

How (un)sexual are you?

 

Samantha and Siddharta

In the DROUGHT, episode 11 from season 1 Sex and the City, Carrie said that New York is about sex; people getting it, people trying to get it, and people who can't get it. In this episode, each main character has their own sex problems: (1) Carrie stopped having sex with her 'perfect' boyfriend after she accidentally farted in front of Big. (and the trigger she farted was that she felt too comfortable in their relationship!) (2) when Carrie didn't have sex with Big for 3 days in a row, Miranda didn't have sex at all for three months. This seemingly trivial problem made them quarrel a bit. Farting was something human so it was okay for Carrie to fart; this is Miranda's opinion. On the other hand, Carrie considered it a big problem because after she farted, Big seemed to lose his interest to have sex with Carrie.

 

"Not doing it when you are with someone means much more than not doing it when you are not with someone."

 

Then two of them continued talking about it, till Carrie asked, "is it normal to be in the same bed and not do it?"

 

Miranda responded, "it depends on what is normal for you." everybody has his/her own opinion/measurement what is normal, for sure; or how many times someone has sex in a day / a week / a month; or how long someone can stand not having it.

 

To entertain herself, Miranda rented some videos at Blockbuster to watch. Coincidentally, somewhere near Blockbuster, there were some guys working on the street catcalled Miranda. They seemed to know that Miranda was entertaining herself in order not to think about sex all the time. However, when Miranda responded to those man, they retreated. One of them, "Relax, lady. I am married." This made Miranda mock them 😁

 

Samantha -- who seemed to avoid having one steady partner to have sex -- was trying to seduce Siddharta, her yoga instructor. Unfortunately, instead of following Samantha's sexual need, Siddharta even taught her how to control her libido. Siddharta claimed that he used to be fond of sex too until he thought that his need of sex was a problem (he said it was all just ego.) so he started practicing celibacy. Interestingly, Samantha was interested in practicing it, though it was hard. (Can we interpret it that to some extent, Samantha agrred with Siddharta that having high sexual drive is sometimes troublesome?)

 

After a few days, Samantha eventually could not control herself. She invited one man in her yoga class to have sex. She did it in front of Siddharta. When seeing Samantha and that man left his yoga class, Siddharta was dumbfounded, his face was sweating.

 

 

Charlotte got a new boyfriend in this episode. Without her knowing, Kevin used to go out with Carrie. Carrie dumped him because he was a sex maniac. Nevertheless, with Charlotte, Kevin was a different person. He was no longer sex maniac. Realizing that his sexual drive put him in trouble, Kevin consumed prozac. He thought in a relationship, sex was not important, more important was how a man treated his woman with kindness. Unfortunately, this even made Charlotte decide to dump him. 

See? Women also need sex in a relationship.

 

*******

 

When watching this episode for the first time several years ago, innocently I thought it would only happen in western countries, lol. However, recently, a good friend of mine once in a while tells me about her coach in the fitness center where she is a member. This coach is really addicted to sex. Interestingly, instead of having one steady sex partner, just like Samantha, she likes doing it with someone whom she happens to meet somewhere, for example when going traveling to Bali, let's say. Or sometimes she looks for dates online. Sounds very westernized, doesn't it? 🤪 or am I just outdated now? 🫢😑🤪

 

It reminded me of my discussion with some students of mine long time ago. Some male students said that no matter how much they needed sex, they were scared of sexually transmitted diseases. This stopped them from being promiscuous.

 

MS48 14.09 13 August 2025

 

He is just not into me

 I copied the following article from this link.

Bibi Lynch

 

A moment that changed me: I’m 58 and single since 1997. A Sex and the City meme transformed my life

 

My first and only proper relationship ended the day after Princess Diana died. There followed years of dalliances and situationships, before I realized something crucial about myself

 

Bibi Lynch

 

Wed 12 Jun 2024 07.00 BST Last modified on Wed 12 Jun 2024 13.12 BST

 

Sometimes a meme can change your life. OK, your love life, let’s not get Carrie’d away. It was about 3am; I was in bed with two empty Gü Zillionaire ramekins and my favourite hot-water bottle (yes, I have a favourite), and zombie-scrolling TikTok. A Sex and the City clip appeared. The one that says: “He’s just not that into you.”

 

I’d obviously seen it before, years ago when the show came out, but I hadn’t seen it since. So I didn’t swipe. I watched – for old times’ sake. And it blew my mind. You remember? Miranda is telling Carrie and Charlotte about her previous night’s almost-encounter: asking for their theories about a date who “didn’t come up” because he said he had an early meeting.

 

While Carrie and Charlotte suggest he’s still interested “but wants to take it slow”, Carrie’s then-boyfriend, tasty Berger is having none of it: “Not going to sugar-coat it for you: he’s just not that into you.” Carrie squeals. Charlotte gasps. I stopped licking the Gü pot. And just like that … it all made sense.

 

I knew this line, so why hadn’t I “got” it before? It would’ve made things so much easier, because my personal life has been a disaster. I’m 58 and have only had one boyfriend – for four years from the age of 27 – and that relationship ended the day after Diana, Princess of Wales died. My other dalliances have been one-night stands, three-month collapses and very many infatuations and situationships in between.

 

There’s been no love affair since 1997, no second date since 2017. My last “potential” romance spent our only rendezvous looking over my shoulder and smiling at the younger, prettier woman behind me – and I was obsessed with him. Well, with my version of him. When you don’t really know someone it’s so easy to project on to and invest in a person. The internet makes it so easy to find out just enough that you can decide who you think they are.

 

This one was a lovebomber; he would leave me voice notes and send me cute videos, then end up breadcrumbing and ghosting me. Oh, the time I spent, like Miranda, deciphering mixed messages and analyzing why we weren’t happening. He was scared of getting hurt, I reasoned; he was overwhelmed by his feelings towards me; he was certain we were soulmates and wanted to make sure he was in the right emotional state for me because he couldn’t mess this one up.

 

Of course, none of the above was true. He just wasn’t that into me. None of them had been. There was the ex who told me: “I like seeing you but I never feel sad when you leave.” Which my brain interpreted as: “We’re slowly building strong foundations. How fabulous.” And the bloke who informed me: “You know this isn’t a relationship, don’t you?”

 

I wasted years analyzing and making excuses for these men, when I should have spent time analyzing myself: because I was the problem here – I was the one attracting men who didn’t want to commit because I didn’t want to commit. Not deep down. It was too dangerous (traumatizing relationship role models will do that to you). Not only did I not want to commit, I actually felt safe in that high-octane starting stage of a relationship, because those heightened emotions were familiar to me from my childhood. He’s just not that into me? I’m just not that into me.

 

But not any more. Now I’m ready: ready to sort out my baggage with my therapist and ready to sort the wheat from the chaff when it comes to my dates. A man says we must meet but never makes an actual plan? He’s just not that into me. A bloke takes three days to reply to a message, and when he does he hearts it? He can jog on. One crush views all my Insta Stories but that’s the beginning and end of the attention? No more ringing my poor friend Em to ask her if he’s into me. He’s not. I know that now.

 

This freed-up brain space is a joy. As Miranda says to Carrie and Charlotte: “It is the most liberating thing I’ve ever heard.” Time is running out and if I want to find my person I have to learn how to commit; how to fall in love. I have to unlearn all my adult behaviour. The thought is actually as exciting as it is daunting. I might finally meet someone. Can you imagine? Perhaps I need another TV show meme to help me on my journey. Nothing from EastEnders, please.

 

Why getting married?

 

In episode 15 season 4, Sex and the City, Carrie asked her 3 friends: "Why do we even have to get married? Give me one good reason, aside that no wants to die alone thing."

 

Charlotte answered: "For me, when it is good, marriage gives me a sense of security."

Carrie responded, "I feel secure in this relationship now. Things are great with us."

 

Many years ago, when I asked my students why people get married, in Indonesian culture, the first reason is to celebrate sex (legally, both in the country law and in the religion law). In Indonesia, on the 'surface' culture, people are not supposed to have sex before they get married, although of course, in sub-culture, sex outside wedlock is acceptable. (Am I right? Or not yet?)

 

Related to my post here, from some reasons I mentioned why people get married (in Indonesia), where is 'security' positioned? ('security' as Charlotte mentioned.) But, perhaps, first, we need to find out how Charlotte defined security here. Is it

 

1. Financial security; when the couple get divorced, the wife will get some money from the husband, or on the way around
2. Social security; people know that the couple are married. This is somewhat important in Indonesia now that many hotels ask for a copy of marriage certificate when a couple want to stay a night
3. Another social security: when a married woman gets pregnant, people will not judge her as  a bit*h because she is married, she is legal to have sex, therefore it is accepted when she is pregnant

 

Well, in my opinion, with the shrink of the world (due to internet technology) Indonesian culture -- in this case is getting married -- is still far cry from Western culture. Carrie felt secure in her relationship with Aidan without getting married, from Carrie's point. On the contrary, Aidan felt insecure if he didn't 'tie' Carrie in a marriage bond; in their previous relationship, Carrie cheated on him with Big. Therefore, he really wanted to marry Carrie while (he thought that) Carrie was still head-over-heels in love with him.

 

In fact, marriage does not guarantee that someone will not cheat on his/her partner, anyway. Marriage is as fragile as boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

 

Don’t you think?

 

PT56 13.48 27/05/2024

 

Friendship

 

Since the first time I watched serials SEX AND THE CITY, I have been amazed by the friendship of the four main characters: Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. And I was imagining if only I had some good friends with whom I would once in a while 'sacrifice' my me-time to be with them, in the name of 'friendship'.

 

However, then I thought, that was just serials on television.

 

Until I finished reading IS THERE STILL SEX IN THE CITY. And today I read one review about the book, (in this link ) The last paragraph was as follows:

 

In answer to the title question, Bushnell has decamped to the Hamptons, where she relishes planting vegetables, staying in and hula-hooping. These are the bonus years, Bushnell says, an opportunity to reinvigorate and reap the benefits of self-knowledge. Her own Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha have also moved into the neighborhood, proof of her enduring thesis that friendship is life's greatest love story.

 

In my younger years, when I was still teaching in one university in my hometown, I had some good friends with whom I used to confide in about anything. Until I had to leave that workplace. And I could not make new friends somewhere else.

 

Recently, when seeing Angie, my daughter sometimes go hanging out with some workmates of hers, I remember my time 25 years ago. I seldom went hanging out with my workmates -- at that time I already had Angie while my other (female) workmates were still single. Then after some of them got married, they were busy with their kids. (No 'story' about 'leaving the kids behind' when the time to spend together with the friends came, just like what we can see in serials SEX AND THE CITY.) Nevertheless, perhaps Angie will also undergo what I experienced more than 20 years ago: after some people get married, then everybody will be busy with their family.

 

I do wanna know if there is friendship like the one we see in SEX AND THE CITY in Indonesia.

 

MS48 18.32 16/05/2024

 

Reality versus TV serials

 

I am excited when finding out some people's opinions about Carrie Bradshaw's life: Carrie's lifestyle is somewhat impossible to happen in New York. Carrie works 'just' as a columnist in one newspaper, yet, the serials show her extravagant lifestyle: e.g. going everywhere by taxi -- instead of taking subway which is cheaper -- not to mention her hobby to collect branded shoes.

 

 

And today, I just found another article containing someone's opinion about Gilmore Girls, especially Lorelai's capability to stand by herself:

 

"how Lorelai managed to only work one job, pay a mortgage, provide for her daughter, and always eat takeout?"

 

 

I watched GG for the first time around 16 years ago, and I really admired Lorelai who showed her financial stability despite the fact that she raised Rory by herself, separated herself from her wealthy parents in order that her parents wouldn't interfere her way of raising her only daughter. As a single parent, Lorelai was my role model, besides her amazing relationship with Rory. I somewhat blamed myself for not being able to be really financially established while in fact I had 2 (sometimes more) jobs. Back then.

 

Well, serials are just too perfect to happen in ordinary people's lives, aren't they?

 

I am being amused, by myself, when writing this, lol.

 

PT56 14.43 03.10.2023

 

Men from Mars, women from Venus?

 

Men from Mars, women from Venus?

 

I just watched (again) Sex and the City episode 7 from season 2; the title is "The Chicken Dance". In short, the episode tells us about Carrie who gets fed up with Big's inability to pay attention to her; Miranda inadvertently sets her interior designer up with a long-distance would-be boyfriend, and they marry after only four weeks. Charlotte has a "warp speed" relationship with a guy she meets at the wedding. Samantha is upset when she experiences "déjà-screw": sleeping with a guy she previously did fifteen years ago.

 

I want to focus on Carrie's case. At Jeremy's wedding (Jeremy was an old 'friend' of Miranda who moved back to New York after living in London for some time. During their communication via emails, both of them were flirtatious, therefore, Miranda expected that they would eventually become couple. However, after Jeremy came to NY, he even fell in love with a woman who decorated Miranda's new apartment, and proposed her to marry him only after four weeks.), Big agreed to accompany Carrie to attend it, one thing that made Carrie very excited. Especially because Big wanted to hear Carrie reading love poem for the bride and the groom. Unfortunately, Big didn't want to sign the card inserted in the wedding gift. Moreover when Big even left the wedding venue when Carrie was reading the poem, because he got an important business call.

 

Before writing this, while browsing some info, I found an article where Chris North said:

 

"Big was what he was. One of the things I tell people is that he never tried to pretend he was anything other than what he was. It was [Carrie] who tried to pretend he was something he wasn’t,”

 

“He was always honest about himself — he never cheated on her. The relationship just didn’t work, and he went on to get married while she went on to — how many boyfriends did she have?"

 

Well, Big didn't cheat on Carrie, but he cheated Natasha. If he did love Carrie, why didn't he marry her? Instead of marrying Natasha but then cheated her?

 

As a woman, I understood what Carrie wanted from Big, she wanted people to know that she and Big were couple so she asked Big to sign the card. (what's wrong with that?) And because Big liked teasing Carrie when she took time writing the poem, why didn't he postpone answering the business call?

 

One loved one of mine sometimes teases me by saying, " For men, it is really difficult to understand a woman," and I think it also happens on the way around, it is not easy for women to understand a man. When you are busy, just tell what makes you busy and don't leave your loved one in the dark. It is as simple as that.

 

MS48 20.25 19.09.2023

 

You perhaps will find the synopsis helpful.

 

Man = a cheater?

 

Kim Cattral as Samantha Jones

“Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls—because they can. It's part of their biology.” Samantha Jones, SATC.

 

Once upon a time, I was just a naïve girl. Then this female friend came into my life. She told me things like what Samantha said to her 3 friends, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte. Of course the trigger was not because Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte were as naïve as me, lol. The four friends were talking about 'cheating curve' that there was possibility for everyone to cheat.

 

Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.

Miranda: That's moral relativism!

Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating. I wanted to tell him that I was afraid he could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was afraid that maybe he didn't really have the capacity to love anyone but himself. I was afraid that given the chance, he'd break my heart again.

 

In the episode, they were talking what things could be defined as cheating: for some people, only to flirt with someone else was already categorized into cheating. For some others, perhaps only flirting was just okay, as long as the partner didn't involve physical actions, such as kissing, necking, petting until intercourse.

 

In that episode, Charlotte caught her (new) date kissing another woman, and he asked for an excuse by saying, "We were just kissing." Miranda then said one of her ex-date who said that fuck*ng was not cheating. In this part, Samantha responded, "Men cheat for the same reason that dog licks their balls."

 

As someone who was raised in a rigidly religious family, I grew up being naïve and I absolutely never thought of cheating. I, in fact, once considered that sex was something filthy even among married couples. Doing something religious was much more respectful for both parties.

 

And this friend came to my life, 24 years ago, to tell me, "Trust me mbak, sex is the first thing on men's mind, during day and night! So if you want to keep your husband to stay loyal to you, give him what he wants: sex." (Note: I was married back then.)

 

 

Then when I continued my study at American Studies Graduate Program, I got to know Toni Morrison, whose novel -- SULA -- was discussed in one subject. What Morrison illustrated in the novel strengthened what my dear friend said to me, "Men want sex. When they don't get it from their wives, they'll look for it outside." Plus, Morrison seemed to have the same opinion with Samantha too: "Men cheat because they can, it's part of their biology."

 

Of course I know that not all men are like what Morrison wrote in SULA. At least I have one role model for this: my own dad. (Bless my mom and dad in heaven.) But I think, I sometimes still feel naïve.

 

PT56 13.59 14.09.2023

 

 

GOOD-LOOKING = BAD IN BED?

 

Samantha and Smith

"Men who are too good-looking are never good in bed, because they never had to be," Carrie Bradshaw said to Charlotte in Sex and the City episode 2, season 5.

 

I wrote that statement of Carrie on my facebook status. I added,

 

"Isn't it hilarious?"

 

"Will men, consequently, claim they are not 'that' good-looking in order to be considered 'good in bed'?"

 

"How about you, girls/women? What will you say about your man?"

 

For sure, I didn't really get answers that I wanted to hear, lol. Some joking answers are:

 

1. Good in bed means someone who is willing to give me massage before I sleep.
2. Good in bed means that someone sleeps without snoring
3. Good in bed means someone who doesn't automatically fall asleep once he goes to bed ('pelor' a.k.a nempel

 

Luckily, 'finally' I got two hilarious answers.

 

1. Partially unproven
2. The worst in bed is not always the most good-looking

 

Ahaaa …

 

The one answering 'the worst in bed is not always the most good-looking' then explained,

 

"if he is good-looking and smells good, he already gets 50%, 35% is the behavior in bed, 15% is skill."

 

This explanation reminded me of Samantha Jones from SATC. One time, she had a boyfriend, James. She thought she really fell in love with him so that she patiently waited till their fifth date to have sex (usually she did it in the first date with any man), only to get disappointment because James' dick was very small.

 

Another story from SATC was when Miranda dated an ophthalmologist. She failed to reach her orgasm because Josh didn't know the location of a woman's clit!

 

Well, everybody has different standard for sure.

 

PT56 17.04 15.08.23

 

Great Love

 

Carrie and Charlotte

In one episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte said to her three best friends, "In this life, people have two great loves." Charlotte said this with full optimism she would find her second 'great' love, after being separated with Trey, her first husband. However, this claim upset Carrie.

 

"Who said only two? I have had Big and Aidan. It means … I am done! No more 'great' love for me."

 

==================

 

Carrie and Big in SATC the movie 2

 

For those who love watching Sex and the City, they know that although Carrie and Big's relationship had been on and off several times, finally they got married, in Sex and the City movie 2. Despite the fact that Candace Bushnell's mother was 'team of Big' instead of 'team of Aidan', the story described some awkward characters between Carrie and Aidan. Carrie belonged to the happy-go-lucky girl while Aidan was the homebody type. Nevertheless, Aidan loved Carrie so much that he never objected to Carrie's going to parties or night clubs with her three friends, while Aidan waited for Carrie at home.

 

Since season 1, Carrie was described to be obsessed by Big, she really wanted to be a part of Big's life, including she wanted to be introduced to Big's mother. When meeting Aidan, followed by having relationship with him, audience still could clearly see that Carrie still could not let go Big from her heart. Carrie also refused when Aidan wanted to introduce her to his parents, one thing she really wanted to do with Big.

 

Carrie and Aidan in AJLT

 

Carrie and Aidan's relationship ended the first time when Carrie told Aidan she cheated on him by having an affair with Big -- who was legally married with Natasha at that time. Their relationship ended for the second time when Carrie kept refusing Aidan's proposal to be married with him. While in fact audience knew how Carrie really wanted to marry Big. I presume that both Carrie and Aidan had the same intention: Aidan wanted to marry Carrie because he thought that Carrie wouldn't cheat on him anymore. Carrie also wanted to secure her relationship with Big with the same reason: Big would not dump her 'just like that'.

 

============

 

In AND JUST LIKE THAT -- the spin-off of Sex and the City -- the character of Big was killed in episode 1 season 1 -- in order that Carrie would continue her 'journey' to look for a soul mate.

 

Aidan eventually appeared in episode 9 season 2 of AJLT. It is easy to guess that Carrie and Aidan will continue their relationship. In the past, Big was always the 'obstacle' for Aidan to win Carrie's heart. Carrie could not really love Aidan because Big was between them.

 

Now that Big was gone, will these two really be united? Or will Carrie still have doubt?

 

In the 'real' life, people will change year after year. Perhaps these two people still have special feeling for each other, but do they still have the same personality? Do they still laugh at the same things? Do they still have the same sense of humor? Do they still view things from the same point? Or if on the contrary, will they be able to accept their differences?

 

If not, and they break up (again), will it make Aidan lose hope of his 'great love'?

 

NOTE:

In season 5 of SATC, Carrie bumped into Aidan on one road, Aidan was already married and had a kid, Carrie was single. Their accidental meeting didn't make them reignite their love story though.

 

In SATC the movie 2, the two bumped into each other again in Dubai, they had a date for chitchat, and they kissed. The kiss made Carrie feel guilty so she need to ask for apology to Big. In the movie. Carrie was married with Big, Aidan was married too.

 

PT56 15.33 14.08.2023

 

P. S.:

Do you believe in great love? How big are the chances for people to find great love in their life?

 

 

Soul mates

 

Charlotte: "I have been dating since I was fifteen, and now I am thirty five, I haven't got one yet, and I am exhausted, where is he?"

 

Charlotte was one character in Sex and the City who really believes that there is someone out there to complete everybody. Miranda was on the contrary, she was depicted as someone cynical but logical (people said so). Samantha was the one who usually said, "I love you, but I love me more," to some guys she dated. 

 

On social media, I had a friend who once wrote that she desperately kept looking for one soul mate too when she was 'young' (read => under 40 years old). Until she was exhausted and she decided to stop looking for one. She started to focus on herself and her only child. (She was once married and then got divorced.)

 

She perceived that after she focused to develop herself, she became nicer, kinder, better. and ... boom! she even found one! I am not sure how old she was when finding her life partner, but perhaps around fifty years old. She got one when she already gave in!

 

 

Therefore, whenever someone asked for her advice how to get a soul mate, she advised him/her to focus on himself/herself first, to improve his/her quality. If, after doing this, he/she becomes happy with himself/herself, perhaps he/she is no longer in need of a life partner.

 

Some time ago, I thought I already arrived at the phase where I stopped looking for one. Until someone came into my life, and just like that I felt he was my other half. But, is it possible that our other half is committed to someone else? Or perhaps it was just my hallucination, that I have found my other half? 😑

 

PT56 21.05 04.06.2023

 

DATING YOUR HOMETOWN?

 

In an episode titled "Anchors Away", Carrie Bradshaw mentioned that New York City is a very good 'date' for single people. There are lots of theaters, parks, museums, night clubs, movies, not to mention restaurants. And if you are lucky, perhaps you will find a great love when you are dating your hometown. :D

 

Well, perhaps because Carrie is not an introvert person; she does not belong to a homebody type either.

 

 

 

As an introvert person, I cannot imagine I am dating Semarang, my hometown, lol. Semarang, the capital city of Central Java, is not a big city; though it is not a small one either. Even though Semarang does not have many 'amusement places' as Carrie mentioned (museums, theaters, parks, etc) I sometimes spend time to visit such places we have here, e.g. museums, but I don't do it alone. I do it with Angie, my daughter, or with Ranz, my biking mate. Once in a blue moon I watch plays in Taman Budaya Raden Saleh (before pandemic) because my (biking) friend played as one actor. :D watching movies is not my cup of tea to spend spare time. I'd rather watch movies in my laptop at home although it is perhaps not as entertaining as when we watch movies in the cinema.

 

I sometimes go to cafes, sometimes alone, sometimes with Angie when we want to eat out; or with Ranz when she is in town.

 

Despite the fact that when I was a teenager, I didn't really enjoy staying at home during weekend or holiday, (I used to like visiting friend's homes or hanging out with them somewhere) recently I stay home most of the time. As a part time teacher, I go to my workplace only when teaching. I do the preparation at home. After finishing doing my household chores, I will sit in front of my laptop, behind my bedroom's window (acting like Carrie does at SATC, lol) and start doing anything what I wanna do.

 

Before pandemic, I used to sometimes go to mall alone, just to get rid of boredom from my routines. After pandemic? I sometimes go to supermarket/department store nearby my house to go (real) shopping, not just for sightseeing. Pandemic indeed changes our lifestyle, do you agree?

 

Nevertheless, I think Carrie's idea is not a bad one.  Perhaps I need to go out more often, alone. I need to date my hometown, lol.

 

PT56 10.31 15.11.2022

 

SHOULD WE BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

 

Samantha and Smith

In (the so called) Western culture, where people can have sex with anybody they want -- as long as both parties agree -- and they do not need to bother thinking about 'being sinful to have sex outside wedlock', why should they get married? Or why should they still want to be in a 'relationship'?

 

(background of this thinking was: most of my 'respondents' (read => my students) answer when asked, "why people get married" was to be able to have sex 'unsinfully' and legally.)

 

I sometimes think this way. In my favorite serials SEX AND THE CITY, the three main characters (Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte) were shown to be okay to be in a relationship, only Samantha refused to be 'tied' in such a relationship. In one episode entitled "Plus One is the Loneliest Number", Carrie illustrated that New Yorkers will feel that their life is complete if (1) they have steady job (2) they have a place to live (3) a plus one. A plus one here is not always necessarily related to a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, but this one can also refer to a child.

 

Charlotte and Harry

 

 

Charlotte -- the most conventional girl among the four girls -- always thinks that having a plus one is important; this will make her feel loved and not alone to live her life; this will make her feel not miserable. Due to her love to Harry, she even converts to Jew in order to marry him. Miranda and Carrie undergo a long way to look for someone the most compatible with them; until Miranda realizes that Steve -- the father of her baby Brady -- is the one. Carrie -- the first main character -- finally ends up with Mr. Big a.k.a John Preston, the guy she falls in love with at the first sight in the first episode of season one, after a long up and down journey of their love.

 

Miranda and Steve

 

 

Why do they need to be in a steady relationship? And not enough just having random sex partners? First, perhaps to feel secure in one relationship, that there is someone beside them, that will do anything to make their life feel easier and better. Second, of course a safer sex, because they have steady partner for that.

 

Charlotte is the first of the 3 girls (Samantha is not included) who gets married. It is apparently due to the fact that she belongs the conventional type. Getting married is Charlotte's teenage dream. Miranda finally marries Steve after several breakups and realizes that Steve is the best partner for her, moreover Steve is the father of her baby.

 

Carrie refuses Aidan's proposal in season 4 because she is not sure whether she really loves him. She seemingly cannot let go Mr. Big's presence from her heart. Carrie and Mr. Big get married in Sex and the City movie 2. Why finally get married? And not just enough be in a relationship? Perhaps New Yorkers still worship marriage. Haha …

 

Carrie and Mr. Big

 

Samantha is the unique character because she seems to be highly confident with herself. Of course during 6 seasons of SATC, Samantha has several steady relationships. The first boyfriend is James, with whom Samantha patiently waits until their fifth date before making love. Unfortunately, James has a small dick that Samantha cannot accept. The second one is Mr. Cocky. On the contrary from James, Mr. Cocky is told to have too big dick Samantha cannot handle. The third is Chivon Williams. Their relationship doesn't last long because Adeena, Williams' sister doesn’t like to see her brother date a white woman. The fourth is Maria, the first time Samantha is told to have a lesbian partner. Their relationship doesn't last long because Maria is easily jealous of other men who want to date Samantha; and Samantha herself is not ready for a steady relationship with someone, moreover this someone is a woman. The fifth is Richard, the playboy. Samantha cannot accept the fact that many women like to date him, the rich tycoon. And the last one, Smith Jarrod, the sexiest and most loving boyfriend despite their quite big age gap.

 

Unfortunately, although Jarrod patiently and devotedly stays with Samantha while she is battling her breast cancer, and their sexual drive is compatible to each other, Samantha eventually says goodbye to her. This is perhaps either she belongs to the type who cannot stay with one steady partner; or Smith is too young for her.

 

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How about in Indonesia?

 

Some time ago, I had a casual talk with a loved one. He told me about his (ex) workmate who refuses to get married although "he loves having sex". I asked him whether his friend refuses to get married because he doesn't want to be responsible with any 'burden' in a marriage. He said, "perhaps." when I asked him whether his workmate had sex with any random partner, he said no. perhaps he has a steady relationship with someone, only he doesn't want to marry her? Or is it their commitment together that they are just be in a domestic relationship without getting married? Unfortunately I don't get the answer yet. Because I am of opinion that even though the relationship is 'only' domestic, both of them must face the 'burden' together.

 

Meanwhile, another good friend of mine told me that his girlfriend doesn't want to get married. She only wants to be in a domestic relationship without legally getting married. My question is: is it already openly acceptable in Indonesia? Moreover in small cities? (not in metropolitan such as Jakarta.)

 

I also interviewed another friend whether he doesn't want to get married. He has a girlfriend. And he said, it is up to her whether they will lead the relationship into marriage. He also said that perhaps if he and his girlfriend live abroad, they will not think marriage knot is important, because he believes that domestic relationship is okay there. So, if until now he is not married yet, it is not because he avoids the 'burden' in a marriage. He let his girlfriend decide.

 

Another interesting story from a friend is that her college mate -- a transsexual woman -- is married (or perhaps 'only' in domestic relationship?) with a woman and live together 'normally' (I mean just like a common man-woman relationship) in one district in DIY. The neighbors know that one of the women is a transsexual one. And they accept this pair. Isn't it lovely?

 

To conclude, indeed, to be in a relationship or not depends on us. We are the ones who will be responsible with the consequences.

 

PT56 13.48 2 September 2022

 

Nothing in Common?

"How could two people who don't have anything in common be in relationship?"

 

Carrie Bradshaw asked herself this, related to her relationship with Aleksandr Petrovsky, a very famous Russian artist in season 6. His fame was world-wide, his colleagues were from anywhere. And apparently, Petrovsky's elit colleagues had judged Carrie's column as something far from art. Carrie's column on 'sex and the city' was apparently just a garbage for them. 

 

 

Meanwhile, it is true that Carrie knew nothing about Petrovsky's famous arty work. Even when the first time Carrie accompanied Charlotte to attend Petrovsky's art exhibit, it was not because Carrie was interested in art; instead, she went there for Charlotte, her best friend who worked for an art gallery. Petrovsky's interest in Carrie made him date her and then they became lovers.

 

Petrovsky was interested in Carrie's column and her witty as well as smart character which can easily be seen in her articles. Nevertheless, knowing that Carrie was not arty, he never involved Carrie in his work. When he was very busy to prepare his exhibit in Paris, he didn't let Carrie come in his workshop. Therefore, when he got stuck in his work, he got emotional and Carrie could not help him anything, but lending her ears.

 

 

*********

 

Around 15 years ago, when I was very close to a best friend I called 'Abang', he asked me whether I wanted to know (and learned) anything about his job, or the way he viewed things that were probably different from my way. He asked me this since he had tried his best to view things from my point of view. (FYI, he read lots of my writing in my blogs back then.) Selfishly, I said no. lol.

 

Recently, I have started thinking something similar with this. My (biking) soul mate is an IT graduate; she is responsible any work related to this in her workplace. Besides, she has a knack in photography. Knowing this, I rely anything related to IT and photography on her, for sure. Lol. I don't wanna know more things about these two things by myself. Let her do whatever she has to do, no need to involve me, lol. This made me think, although we both are compatible (we communicate well in most topics) I sometimes do not know some things she handles every day. Ah, in this case, I still stay the same, selfish of me.

 

Srambang, Ngawi, December 2019

 

In addition, does she understand things I must handle every day?  Are we two also like Carrie and Petrovsky? We have nothing in common? We have different taste of music, food, movies, and many other things. (but one thing though: biking, although recently, she seems no longer interested in it as much as years ago.) 

PT56 10.57 24 August 2022

 

 P,S.:

In fact, I have written something similar with this topic, lol, you can view it here

No ifs, and, or buts

 Dating for the first time

What made you continue dating someone? 

Or on the contrary, what made you decide to stop seeing him again?

 

In the episode 5 of season 3 SEX AND THE CITY, (the title is "No ifs, ands, or buts") Carrie met Aidan -- her second 'main' boyfriend in the serials after Mr. Big -- for the first time. Aidan was a furniture designer, cute, and still single (never been married yet). And it was falling in love at the first sight, if I may say so. Without thinking any further, Carrie decided to buy one big chair made by Aidan, in his store after seeing him; while in fact, at first, she reluctantly accepted Standford's invitation to visit the store. 

 

the four girls talk about Charlotte's date who happens to be a bad kisser

 

Carrie and Standford in Aidan's store

 Unfortunately, on their first date, where Carrie expected to have a passionate kiss that then would make her and Aidan continue having a relationship, Carrie got a big disappointment: Aidan didn't like seeing her smoking. He even told her that he would never date a smoker. Carrie got offended, for sure, as what she confided in Standford. However, her three friends supported her to stop smoking due to health. By the end of the episode we see that Carrie chose to continue dating Aidan and stopped smoking. Well, at least, she would not smoke while dating Aidan. :)

 

Carrie and Aidan on their first date

 

 

Meanwhile, Charlotte dated someone who happened to be a bad kisser. Her three friends spontaneously asked her to stop seeing the guy. But you know, the kind-hearted Charlotte didn't have a heart to just dump him after their first date. She thought she still could 'teach' him how to kiss well, lol. Unfortunately, by the end, Charlotte gave in. she eventually dumped him.

 

Carrie talks to Miranda about her new crush, Aidan

 

 Miranda had a little problem with Steve, her then boyfriend, in supporting his pipe dream of making a half-court shot at the Knick's game. FYI, Miranda was a successful lawyer, had her own big apartment, while Steve was a bartender. Men usually are not that confident facing a woman with much higher salary than them. It is understandable that Steve wanted to make his dream come true to get one million dollar prize. Perhaps by having such big amount of money would increase his self-esteem in front of his girlfriend?

 

While Samantha started dating an African American record executive, Chivon Williams. Samantha, who usually preferred having just one night stand date, decided to continue dating Chivon. Unfortunately, Chivon's sister disapprove their 'relationship' due to their different color of skin.

 

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From the summary I wrote above, we can make a conclusion that some things can happen to stop us dating someone, let's say your date has a bad way to kiss, lol. How to kiss well? Well, of course It depends on everybody's interest, I suppose. Can someone's way to kiss be 'corrected' or improved, lol, as Charlotte said that perhaps the two can have a talk about it and that practice makes perfect? Lol. Or as Samantha said, "Bad kisser is NOT negotiable. If his tongue is just gonna lay there, what do you think his dick is gonna do?" lol.

 

While different skin color perhaps can make two people stop dating each other, moreover if the family disapprove the relationship. In Indonesia? It can refer to different ethnic group until the most 'popular' case: different religion.

 

Do you happen to know a case where two people stop seeing each other due to smoking? Or drinking? Or do you think these two things are still negotiable?

 

How about having a girlfriend who is more financially established, if you are a guy. Is it a kinda threat? Will it make you feel like you are not manly enough?