Sex is (not) love

 

This meme has been viralized for years. I believe you have seen this before. I believe it is a good thing to teach our youngsters about this: sex is not love; dating is not love. So, those youngsters will not confuse sex/dating with love.

However, do you agree if I say that sex/lovemaking can be one form of showing deep devotion to the one we love? When we are deeply in love with someone, don't you think it is very understandable that we want to make love to him/her to show how much we want to give pleasure to our loved one? Are you familiar with a statement, "let us consummate our love!" for lovers who happen to live in two distant places, and when they meet, they want to perfect their love by making love? 

So? to some extent, sex or lovemaking is also love.

MS48 15.18 15 August 2025

V u l n e r a b l e

 

To be vulnerable or not to be vulnerable? That is the question.

 

We’re afraid to let our guard down and show who we really are. We hide our weaknesses and mask our shortcomings for the fear of being judged, the fear of being rejected and above all, the fear of getting hurt.

 

What if he thinks less of me? What if he doesn’t understand? Think about it this way: The person who is right for you won’t judge you for being real. It’s okay to say you don’t have it all together. Nobody does. Every single one of us is a work in progress until the day we die.

 

The ability to take off the mask shows courage. Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness. It’s a strength.

 

It’s only when you stop pretending and start being real that you can connect in a deep and meaningful way with another person.

 

Take me for example. Writing my book is the ultimate act of vulnerability. I’m sharing the most intimate parts of myself with the world. Yes, I’ve had moments when I debated finishing it because I was afraid of being judged and rejected. On some level, I still am. But it hurts so much more not to write it. This is who I am. Thinking of how much I can help people in their lives far outweighs the risk of rejection.

 

When you feel the self-doubt start to creep in, ask yourself: What’s worse: rejection or regret? What are you more afraid of? Picturing the rest of your life fearful of putting yourself out there, isn’t just a scary thought; it’s a tragedy. No rejection is more painful than the regret you will feel of time wasted and opportunities lost.

 

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Great Love

 

Carrie and Charlotte

In one episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte said to her three best friends, "In this life, people have two great loves." Charlotte said this with full optimism she would find her second 'great' love, after being separated with Trey, her first husband. However, this claim upset Carrie.

 

"Who said only two? I have had Big and Aidan. It means … I am done! No more 'great' love for me."

 

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Carrie and Big in SATC the movie 2

 

For those who love watching Sex and the City, they know that although Carrie and Big's relationship had been on and off several times, finally they got married, in Sex and the City movie 2. Despite the fact that Candace Bushnell's mother was 'team of Big' instead of 'team of Aidan', the story described some awkward characters between Carrie and Aidan. Carrie belonged to the happy-go-lucky girl while Aidan was the homebody type. Nevertheless, Aidan loved Carrie so much that he never objected to Carrie's going to parties or night clubs with her three friends, while Aidan waited for Carrie at home.

 

Since season 1, Carrie was described to be obsessed by Big, she really wanted to be a part of Big's life, including she wanted to be introduced to Big's mother. When meeting Aidan, followed by having relationship with him, audience still could clearly see that Carrie still could not let go Big from her heart. Carrie also refused when Aidan wanted to introduce her to his parents, one thing she really wanted to do with Big.

 

Carrie and Aidan in AJLT

 

Carrie and Aidan's relationship ended the first time when Carrie told Aidan she cheated on him by having an affair with Big -- who was legally married with Natasha at that time. Their relationship ended for the second time when Carrie kept refusing Aidan's proposal to be married with him. While in fact audience knew how Carrie really wanted to marry Big. I presume that both Carrie and Aidan had the same intention: Aidan wanted to marry Carrie because he thought that Carrie wouldn't cheat on him anymore. Carrie also wanted to secure her relationship with Big with the same reason: Big would not dump her 'just like that'.

 

============

 

In AND JUST LIKE THAT -- the spin-off of Sex and the City -- the character of Big was killed in episode 1 season 1 -- in order that Carrie would continue her 'journey' to look for a soul mate.

 

Aidan eventually appeared in episode 9 season 2 of AJLT. It is easy to guess that Carrie and Aidan will continue their relationship. In the past, Big was always the 'obstacle' for Aidan to win Carrie's heart. Carrie could not really love Aidan because Big was between them.

 

Now that Big was gone, will these two really be united? Or will Carrie still have doubt?

 

In the 'real' life, people will change year after year. Perhaps these two people still have special feeling for each other, but do they still have the same personality? Do they still laugh at the same things? Do they still have the same sense of humor? Do they still view things from the same point? Or if on the contrary, will they be able to accept their differences?

 

If not, and they break up (again), will it make Aidan lose hope of his 'great love'?

 

NOTE:

In season 5 of SATC, Carrie bumped into Aidan on one road, Aidan was already married and had a kid, Carrie was single. Their accidental meeting didn't make them reignite their love story though.

 

In SATC the movie 2, the two bumped into each other again in Dubai, they had a date for chitchat, and they kissed. The kiss made Carrie feel guilty so she need to ask for apology to Big. In the movie. Carrie was married with Big, Aidan was married too.

 

PT56 15.33 14.08.2023

 

P. S.:

Do you believe in great love? How big are the chances for people to find great love in their life?

 

 

Soul mates

 

Charlotte: "I have been dating since I was fifteen, and now I am thirty five, I haven't got one yet, and I am exhausted, where is he?"

 

Charlotte was one character in Sex and the City who really believes that there is someone out there to complete everybody. Miranda was on the contrary, she was depicted as someone cynical but logical (people said so). Samantha was the one who usually said, "I love you, but I love me more," to some guys she dated. 

 

On social media, I had a friend who once wrote that she desperately kept looking for one soul mate too when she was 'young' (read => under 40 years old). Until she was exhausted and she decided to stop looking for one. She started to focus on herself and her only child. (She was once married and then got divorced.)

 

She perceived that after she focused to develop herself, she became nicer, kinder, better. and ... boom! she even found one! I am not sure how old she was when finding her life partner, but perhaps around fifty years old. She got one when she already gave in!

 

 

Therefore, whenever someone asked for her advice how to get a soul mate, she advised him/her to focus on himself/herself first, to improve his/her quality. If, after doing this, he/she becomes happy with himself/herself, perhaps he/she is no longer in need of a life partner.

 

Some time ago, I thought I already arrived at the phase where I stopped looking for one. Until someone came into my life, and just like that I felt he was my other half. But, is it possible that our other half is committed to someone else? Or perhaps it was just my hallucination, that I have found my other half? 😑

 

PT56 21.05 04.06.2023

 

Love on Valentine's Day

This semester I happen to handle ‘value education’ subjects in some classes, from grade three until grade six. So far, we have discussed some various topics, such as healthy food, talents, dream jobs, hobbies, pets, kind of friends they love to have, until love.

When discussing ‘love is ...’ in grade 6 some weeks ago, I found some funny and unpredictable answers from my students.

“Love is yucky ...” one male student exclaimed.

“Love is not appropriate for kids, it is only for adults,” another student answered.

“Love is icky!” another student remarked.

But there are also some ‘nice’ answers, such as

“Love is romantic, it is about two hearts united together,” a pretty student said.

“Love is understanding,” another female student sweetly said.

The most unpredictable answer was, “love brings pain!” a male student wrote it.

However when I led the discussion to love between parents and children, everybody agreed that love is great.
Nearing Valentine’s Day, last week I asked my students to make a Valentine’s card from a very simple material: one piece of blank white paper. Before asking them to do that, I said that love is the core of all values, to make a better and more peaceful world. You can guess many of them made the card for their parents. Some others made it for their classmates (by writing ‘I love you as friends’), some others made for their siblings, and some made for themselves.  and one student made it for his adorable female classmate.

Below are some impressive, funny and touching writings in the cards. I don’t mention the names though.

1.    (a 6th grader):
I hope you get a soul mate. Tips for broken heart /a/ just sit in the porch /2/ drink coffee and eat biscuits. Happy Valentine’s Day

2.    (a 4th grader):
Dear friends, happy valentine’s day! Sorry, I didn’t give chocolate to you, I’m so sorry. Is that ok? I hope so. But thank you so much to cheer me up when I’m sad. Love. I.

3.    (a 5th grader):
To my pet, Y. (she wrote a name of one classmate). Thank you for torturing me this year! :) Remember,  I had fed you like a pet. Also being in the bathroom just for you to take a bath, but I still love my REAL pet. Arrrgghhh ...
And the last is for my fat Grandma and bony Grandpa.

Thanks for making me angry every day because you like to tease! But I still like your cooking, though I’m curious when you hug me because I think you’re just playing a drama that you love me but in fact you don’t. Still, you are my only fattest cuddly grandma.

And for my Grandpa, thanks for giving me everything I want, but it’s just, you’re very scary when you are angry. Just don’t be that EMOTIONAL.

4.    (a 6th grader)
To my sister. Thank-you list.

1. Thank you for being there for me even when I’m sick
2. Thank you for cheering me up when I’m down in the mouth
3. Thank you for being annoying (sometimes)
4. Thank your for your generosity (even sometimes it’s useless)
5. Thank you sista.

5.    (a 6th grader)

Hearts for the girl I adore, my favorite girl. Happy valentine’s day, xxxx the girl I love.

6.    (a 6th grader)
Happy valentine’s day. To my Mom.
Thank you for your love and care for me.
Thank you for the protection for this journey of mine.
Thank you for the lucky life I have from the live you gave.
Your son.

7.    (a 5th grader)
To my DAD who like to disturb me with NO REASON! And MOM!
DON’T YOU MOCK ME! I LOVE GAMES!
Anyway, thanks for letting me play games! And for accompanying me to ride roller coasters. You’re the best DAD I could ever have. But your pinch was really hurt. But I love you DAD. But why do you even like to disturb me?
I LOVE YOU TOO MOM!
Mom, I have questions for you!
Why are you angry with me when my brother disturbs me?
Why do you always play with your BB when I’m asking you something and you get angry?
Mom, I love you but you like to force me to do things I don’t wanna do!

8.    (a 6th grader)
with love from me.
To my beloved family that includes: parents, grand parents, cousins, uncle and aunt: have a lovable valentine’s day! Hugs and kisses. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
The fact that I took most samples from grade 6 students is because there are more students in grade 6 () and also because they are more creative in expressing themselves (due to their age)? In other classes, they wrote almost similar things.

There will always be nice stories to share on Valentine’s Day, do you agree?

GL7 11.50 130212

Some comments from my other blogsite

delete reply rudal2008 wrote on Feb 13 Selamat hari Valentine ya......

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 13 rudal2008 said Selamat hari Valentine ya...... thank you Rud, happy Valentine's Day for you too ya?

delete reply onit wrote on Feb 13 thx for sharing.. yep interesting writing.. quite diverse & creative :)

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 13 they are really unpredictable by me :)

delete reply rembulanku wrote on Feb 13 duitku habis buat beli coklat murahan untuk temen2 tapi bukan dalam valentin sekedar ungkapan terima kasih krn mereka sudah menerimaku dan bersedia jadi temanku :D

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 13 wahhh ... tapi juga dapat coklat sebagai balasan kan ya La? :)

delete reply rembulanku wrote on Feb 13 afemaleguest said wahhh ... tapi juga dapat coklat sebagai balasan kan ya La? :) ucapan terima kasih dan minta lagi :((

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 14 rembulanku said ucapan terima kasih dan minta lagi :(( huuaaaa??? ^_^

delete reply rembulanku wrote on Feb 13 happy valentine mbak Nana :D

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 13 sama-sama ya La, happy valentine ... lebih baik menyebar cinta dari pada benci kan ya? ^__^

delete reply dinantonia wrote on Feb 13 Agree :D

edit delete reply afemaleguest wrote on Feb 13 ouch :-P

LOVE

"Till I loved, I never lived--Enough."

(Emily Dickinson)

How powerful is love in someone's life? To make someone feel not alive yet before loving someone? Being alive is not just a matter of being born in this mortal world, taking a breath, doing some activities, bla bla bla ... but one thing must be done--loving.

Well, I myself talked to my someone special that I will never ever be able to write a single poem if I am not in love. I, out of the blue, become a poet when in love.

My curiosity, is, is there any love that will not make us broken hearted?

Wise people say that there must be two contradictory things in something, to follow natural law about binary opposition? Love makes people happy in one certain time, and unhappy in another time. Love gives people sweet memories when they spend their precious time with the one they love, and bitter memories when they have to be away from the loved one.

When Ebit G. Ade said in his song, "Apakah ada bedanya, ketika kita bertemu, dengan saat kita berpisah, sama-sama nikmat, tinggal bagaimana kita menghayati..." No unhappiness ... no bitterness ... though we are away from the one we love. Or we just deceive ourselves by saying, "It's ok to be away from you, darling, coz I already have you on my mind, in my heart and my soul." Who is willing to be away from the one they love, I am wondering ...

I assume that I must agree that love is so powerful in someone's life.

But, to agree with what Emily Dickinson said ... well ... ... ...