Grey Divorce

 

How well do you think you know your partner?

 

I have known this stuff  (people do not always know well their partners) since time immemorial for sure. Nevertheless many people do not consider it a kind of problem in a relationship. Some reasons for this, perhaps, because they believe that 'what has been united by God must stay the way it is' (for Christians?) and a kind of social pressure that 'you must be loyal to your spouse no matter what has happened in your marriage in order to be considered you are a good man/woman.' (This kind of social pressure does not only belong to women, does it?)

 

I was kinda appalled by this (again) when I accidentally 'found' a film entitled HOPE GAP. Edward and Grace who have been married for 29 years finally got separated. Is it only because for the past one year Edward has been seeing another woman?

 

Grace: "We have been married for 29 years!"

Edward: "I have tried (surviving in this marriage) for 29 years!"

 

I came to think that in fact Edward had realized much earlier that their marriage didn't run well, one thing that Grace didn't realize! However, Edward was a type of a man who could not say forward to his wife about how he felt. Grace, on the other way around, had been busy with her own way of thinking that everything was okay. The only thing that was not okay was Edward who could not balance her 'emotion'. Edward would rather be quiet than talk openly when things got strained between them. Perhaps because he realized that there was no use to talk to the dominant Grace?

 

(to some extent, this reminded me of my (first) marriage. My ex would rather be quiet than respond to me. The difference was: Edward left Grace, I divorced my ex. The reaction of my ex was somewhat similar to Grace's: refused to be separated.)

 

I am of opinion that I could blame our intellectual gap. Grace blamed Edward who chose to live with another woman.

 

In one conversation with Jamie, the son, Edward said he believed that Grace only loved the idea' of a man she invented in Edward, not the real Edward; he used to believe his (old) feeling toward Grace as love but he was wrong. They both never really loved each other as a couple.

 

N.B.:

You may read about grey divorce in this link.

 

MS48 - MS 58 15.10 10 February 2026

 

N.B. (2):

I am very much impressed with what Angela said to Grace, "prior to the separation, there were three unhappy people. now, there is only one." that statement seemed to be able to make Grace realize that no matter what, she has lost Edward. Edward would never come back to her.  (she really did not understand Edward though she claimed she loved him.)

 

Why did Big reject Samantha in episode 1 SATC?

Big in episode 1, season 1 of SATC

 

Why did Big reject Samantha in episode 1?

 

I believe this is not a new topic to be discussed/written. My naïvete hampered me from thinking too bold, lol. This is triggered one fact: despite the fact that Samantha is very inspiring for me; I am more like Carrie than Samantha who is bold, highly confident, successful. Carrie is not as bold or 'up-to-date' as Samantha, although once Aidan said to Carrie, "you are anything but conventional, Carrie."

 

One time I read somewhere about Chris Noth's comment on his character Big: "Big is not shown to have many girlfriends. It is different from Carrie who has some (or many?) boyfriends in the serials of Sex and the City. After getting divorced from Samantha, he didn't have any other girlfriend, except sometimes pursuing Carrie."

 

However, a lot of people see Big a player, just like Samantha. And because Big is a successful entrepeneur, he is quite popular in many business communities, and so is Samantha who is well-known as successful PR. If Big accepts Samantha's flirtatious invitation in episode 1, his business associates will easily find out about it. It can threaten his business.

 

Big may find Samantha intimidating (with her boldness to invite him to bed) because Big would rather choose to be with a woman who is 'under his control' but at the same time 'easy to be taken into his bed'. After Big and Carrie have their relationship, and Big finds out that Carrie is not 'that easy' to control, he chooses to marry Natasha, a kinda 'classic' woman: young, gorgeous, not that smart (meaning easily to be manipulated), and submissive. Here, we can say that Big belongs to a type of man who is also classic. He views women who are smart, independent and successful (in career + money) as threat.

 

There are many men who have trait like Big in Indonesia! They don't have guts to face smart, independent and successful women because these woman are not easily manipulated. Isn't there any man who is on the way around? I believe there are but I haven't found them yet in my real life. I am not Samantha. This is why. Lol.

 

PT56 14.00 03 November 2025 

 

P.S.:

perhaps you consider visiting this link? 😀 

Sex is (not) love

 

This meme has been viralized for years. I believe you have seen this before. I believe it is a good thing to teach our youngsters about this: sex is not love; dating is not love. So, those youngsters will not confuse sex/dating with love.

However, do you agree if I say that sex/lovemaking can be one form of showing deep devotion to the one we love? When we are deeply in love with someone, don't you think it is very understandable that we want to make love to him/her to show how much we want to give pleasure to our loved one? Are you familiar with a statement, "let us consummate our love!" for lovers who happen to live in two distant places, and when they meet, they want to perfect their love by making love? 

So? to some extent, sex or lovemaking is also love.

MS48 15.18 15 August 2025

How (un)sexual are you?

 

Samantha and Siddharta

In the DROUGHT, episode 11 from season 1 Sex and the City, Carrie said that New York is about sex; people getting it, people trying to get it, and people who can't get it. In this episode, each main character has their own sex problems: (1) Carrie stopped having sex with her 'perfect' boyfriend after she accidentally farted in front of Big. (and the trigger she farted was that she felt too comfortable in their relationship!) (2) when Carrie didn't have sex with Big for 3 days in a row, Miranda didn't have sex at all for three months. This seemingly trivial problem made them quarrel a bit. Farting was something human so it was okay for Carrie to fart; this is Miranda's opinion. On the other hand, Carrie considered it a big problem because after she farted, Big seemed to lose his interest to have sex with Carrie.

 

"Not doing it when you are with someone means much more than not doing it when you are not with someone."

 

Then two of them continued talking about it, till Carrie asked, "is it normal to be in the same bed and not do it?"

 

Miranda responded, "it depends on what is normal for you." everybody has his/her own opinion/measurement what is normal, for sure; or how many times someone has sex in a day / a week / a month; or how long someone can stand not having it.

 

To entertain herself, Miranda rented some videos at Blockbuster to watch. Coincidentally, somewhere near Blockbuster, there were some guys working on the street catcalled Miranda. They seemed to know that Miranda was entertaining herself in order not to think about sex all the time. However, when Miranda responded to those man, they retreated. One of them, "Relax, lady. I am married." This made Miranda mock them 😁

 

Samantha -- who seemed to avoid having one steady partner to have sex -- was trying to seduce Siddharta, her yoga instructor. Unfortunately, instead of following Samantha's sexual need, Siddharta even taught her how to control her libido. Siddharta claimed that he used to be fond of sex too until he thought that his need of sex was a problem (he said it was all just ego.) so he started practicing celibacy. Interestingly, Samantha was interested in practicing it, though it was hard. (Can we interpret it that to some extent, Samantha agrred with Siddharta that having high sexual drive is sometimes troublesome?)

 

After a few days, Samantha eventually could not control herself. She invited one man in her yoga class to have sex. She did it in front of Siddharta. When seeing Samantha and that man left his yoga class, Siddharta was dumbfounded, his face was sweating.

 

 

Charlotte got a new boyfriend in this episode. Without her knowing, Kevin used to go out with Carrie. Carrie dumped him because he was a sex maniac. Nevertheless, with Charlotte, Kevin was a different person. He was no longer sex maniac. Realizing that his sexual drive put him in trouble, Kevin consumed prozac. He thought in a relationship, sex was not important, more important was how a man treated his woman with kindness. Unfortunately, this even made Charlotte decide to dump him. 

See? Women also need sex in a relationship.

 

*******

 

When watching this episode for the first time several years ago, innocently I thought it would only happen in western countries, lol. However, recently, a good friend of mine once in a while tells me about her coach in the fitness center where she is a member. This coach is really addicted to sex. Interestingly, instead of having one steady sex partner, just like Samantha, she likes doing it with someone whom she happens to meet somewhere, for example when going traveling to Bali, let's say. Or sometimes she looks for dates online. Sounds very westernized, doesn't it? 🤪 or am I just outdated now? 🫢😑🤪

 

It reminded me of my discussion with some students of mine long time ago. Some male students said that no matter how much they needed sex, they were scared of sexually transmitted diseases. This stopped them from being promiscuous.

 

MS48 14.09 13 August 2025

 

Opinion

 

the pic was taken from here

"The belief that one's own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions." ~ Paul Watzlawick ~

 

Reading the above-mentioned quote, I remember one short scene in SATC. In the scene, Carrie was together with Aleksander, one boyfriend of hers in the season 6. they were with Aleksander's workmates. One topic they discussed was their hostility towards people's opinion on something. When they asked Carrie, she responded, "I cannot answer that question because I am a writer where in my writings, I depend on people's opinion."

 

In this era, one view of (the so-called) reality can be, in fact, just an opinion or assumption. And Carrie's response struck me. Most writings of mine are based on opinion, even worse perhaps just based one assumption. This is why recently I have reduced my time to write for blogs. Perhaps it will be better if I 'hide' my opinion or assumption behind fiction. And I am not good at all to write fiction.

 

PT56 20.10 18 July 2025

 

Recent views

 As far as I am concerned, these past few weeks, there has been a very high increase of people visiting 2 blogs of mine, www.afeministblog.blogspot.com and www.nannasimplelife.com

And most of them come from Brazil. I am wondering if they 'stumble' to my blogs because of looking for information about Juliana Marins, one tourist from Brazil who accidentally fell on her trekking in Rinjani mountain, Lombok. Hmmm ...

Whilecin fact, I don't write anything at all about that accident.

UPY 23.00 05 July 2025

Toxic parents

 

In my previous writing, I wrote my own experience, that in my opinion, mothers love their children unconditionally, no matter what happens, a mother will always support her child. In Bahasa Indonesia, there is a proverb: "Kasih ibu sepanjang jalan, kasih anak sepanjang galah." or "A mother's love is as long as a road while a child's love is as long as a pole". In other words we can say a mother's love is timeless while a child's love is limited.

 

Is it always like this?

 

*******

 

Not long after Angie graduated from college in 2015, she got a job, as a content writer. Although the job was not in accordance with her educational background, I supported her to take it. I coincidentally just lost a job back then. Therefore, with her working and her own earning, I didn't need to give her pocket money anymore. I felt it was high time for her to learn to be responsible with her need.

 

Shockingly, one day Angie told me that one of her workmates -- a girl in her late teenage -- told Angie that she had to give more than 50% of her pay to her parents. As the first child, her parents taught her to be responsible to help make their ends meet. She graduated only from high school since her parents didn't have money to send her to college. She didn't complain. She thought that her parents had right to ask her to do that. Moreover her parents cited some verses from the holy Book that children were supposed to be indebted toward their parents to live in this world.

 

I believe that this workmate of Angie's is not the only one who shares the same idea: children must love their parents unconditionally by, let's say, giving the parents their pay after getting a job. I often read some statuses on social medias about toxic parents who treat their children as source of income. Worse than that, some toxic parents even ask the less loved kid to financially fulfill the other siblings' need.

 

Here is one sample showing that a mother can be toxic while the daughter even loves the mother unconditionally. I am of opinion that this kinda thing happens because the parents 'teach' their children like what I wrote above: "the holy Book instructs the children to love their parents unconditionally because without their parents, they will never exist in this world."

 

I screenshot it from 'threads'

 

 

PT56 13.27 11/09/2024