Beliefs about love and sex

 

After discussing this topic last week in my Religious Studies class, I asked my students to summarize the result of the discussion as well as their comments. Below are two writings of theirs.

John:

Religion has a strict rule when it comes to love and sex. Homosexuality is forbidden in almost all religions. Islam thinks they should die. Some religions encourage its followers to have children, which may cause over population and funding problems.

The Jewish religion's book shows that orthodox Jews wish for homosexuals to be hit by a meteorite. Marriage with the same sex is usually scolded by most religions, so people must marry with different sex.

In my opinion, religions should not encourage people to have many offspring, it will not have a good result. ("Look up at the heavens and count the stars - if indeed you can count them ... so shall be your offspring be. Genesis 15:5) Examples of "not good results" = unintentional sibling marriage, a new Nazi regime, starvation, age limit on people (kill yourself at 65), and the need for a new huge warfare. Everyone never has children equal to the number of stars. That will be all.

By the way, some religions are sexist. ("Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence. Leviticus 18:22; or "Do not come near a woman during her period of uncleanness." Leviticus 18:19) Wait ... wait ... did I just say the Jewish scripture? Sorry. The End.

Vanya:

Love is defined as a feeling of attachment to other people while sex is an intercourse between two people. Both sex and love play an important role in religions, though different religions teach different perspectives on how they should be practiced.

Christians. for example, considers 'love' to be the most important law or principle. This is because God has loved His people so much that, as Christians, we should share His love by loving others. However, this unconditional love does not extent to sexual relationships, and sex is limited to married couples only.

In Hinduism, while sexual relationship is considered as something good, it is only limited to married couples because of the importance of self-control. Hindus restrict their children from contacting the opposite sex (aside from close relatives) to prevent them from having sexual desires before marriage.

For Muslims, marriage and sex are considered as an act of worship, as having children through sex is a way for humans to contribute towards Allah's creation. However, sex outside marriage is forbidden, because uncontrollable passion is considered evil.

Similarly, Jewish considers marriage and sex very important, and it is not natural for a Jew to be celibate (not married/virgin). Jewish believes that having large families is a blessing. As Abraham was promised descendants as plenty as stars and that every nation may be blessed through them.

For Sikhs, sexual intercourse is a way to concentrate on the divine love, and, like other religions, it is limited within a married relationship, as such is the only condition where sex can be considered "clean". The faithfulness towards a spouse is very important to Sikhism, so polygamy is not allowed.

Background:

A little background, in the beginning of this academic year, the first time I had "religious studies" with this class, John admitted that he was an agnostic. Vanya is a Christian.

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Well ... well ...

I found it very funny when out of the blue I got some emails or poems or notes -- some from people I never know, some from people I know online -- that I guess the senders wanted to 'preach' on spiritual things; more exactly, from a so-called 'abrahamic' religion which was obviously not the one I (once) adhered to.

I am of opinion that they have visited my blogs or notes on FB about my spiritual journey where I sound like to be a non-believer. If I relate it to one movie I watched "SAVED!", perhaps those guys/girls wanted to save me from my being in (perhaps they were thinking that I was) limbo? Since I sound no longer (100%) believe in the religion forced to me when I was a kid?

I really really found it RIDICULOUS. But, anyway, that was a nice try, pal! I never read those emails -- that apparently for me just JUNK MAILS -- because I directly deleted them.

love and light for everyone,
Nana Podungge
~ label herself as a little devil ~

True love for women

So, how do you 'celebrate' your Valentine's Day this year?

There was an intriguing 'status' on FB from an online buddy yesterday: "Hey ladies, who is your true love? your hubby? kids? or ... those pretty shoes and bags?"

So, come on ladies! Instead of buying chocolates for your loved ones, buy your dream shoes and bags for yourself, since you deserve to be loved, by yourself!"

Hmmm ... I am wondering if there are women who don't like beautiful clothes, pretty shoes as well as attractive bags. I once did! Frankly speaking when the first time I got a job and felt like I could spoil myself with those 'women stuff', since I was (or I coveted to be included into) a 'fashionable woman'. LOL.

Until I realized that I did not need to always follow my greed, just to be "a real woman". LOL. Perhaps it was also triggered by the 'fact' (so I thought) that I had found my 'real identity'. If I am not mistaken it started in 2000. This (so-called) awareness was strengthened when I got to know feminism ideology in 2003.

So? No more buying clothes or shoes or bags if only to 'pile' them to adore their beauty. LOL. I have found my 'real passion' => books, feminism, and writing. I absolutely will buy new clothes or shoes or bags if I think I need new ones since the old ones are already worn out. LOL.

Meanwhile ...

In one mailing list I have joined for years I just found an ad about a new book published. The book compiles some writings about women and children. The main point of the book is to support women to love themselves just the way they are; no need to follow society's consensus about women -- such as women must wear beautiful dresses that will fit with their bags and shoes; women must have a so-called sexy body (which mostly means having tall and slim body with fair, spotless skin, long and straight hair) when they want to wear fashionable clothes. In addition, women must also have courage to say NO to their boyfriends/husbands when their partners want to have sex while women do not want to.

Well, if I can add, women also have rights to ask their boyfriends/husbands to have sex when they need it; women do not need to feel guilty when they want to spend their money on 'women stuff' and not labeled as 'victim' of capitalism as long as they are aware when doing that (too 'risky' eh, to use the word 'aware' here?) and not just follow the trend. Women also have right to spend their money to go to spas, beauty salon to make themselves feel beautiful for their own satisfaction, and not just to get appreciation from people around -- especially men -- since women do not need recognition from others only to feel beautiful. Women have right to wear any kind of clothes -- open/sexy or even covering all over -- and feel good for themselves.

etc.

And they are still 'true women', with any choice they make!

You can visit my other post about 'true women' here
Perempuan Sejati (in Bahasa Indonesia) or
True Women? (in English)

True love for women? Love yourself, folks!

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Chinese foot-binding versus European corset wearing

Chinese foot-binding versus European corset wearing

In one topic in History class, my student (in grade 7) and I discussed these so-called torturing phenomena towards women several centuries ago. These are indeed not new ‘things’ for me since I read some books about women when doing research for my thesis whose main topic is about a phenomenon of woman madness in the nineteenth century America, using Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s novella entitled “The Yellow Wallpaper” as the main data. Nevertheless, when talking about these two phenomena, I did some more research in the internet.

CHINESE FOOT BINDING

In fact, this inhumane custom was practiced for approximately one thousand years in China, beginning in the tenth century and ending in the first half of twentieth century. Wikipedia stated that the origin of this practice was from the desire to emulate the naturally tiny feet of a favored concubine of a prince to a story of an empress who had club-like feet, which became viewed as a desirable fashion.

In the beginning of its practice it was carried out only among the elite and only in the wealthiest parts of China. This practice shows the ability of the husbands to afford their wives who did not need to work, who existed only to serve their husbands and direct household servants while performing no labor themselves. The economic and social attractions of such women may well have translated into sexual desirability among elite men.

However, several centuries later, this ‘custom’ was practiced not only among the wealthiest. By the seventeenth century, Han Chinese girls, from the wealthiest to the poorest people, had their feet bound, although it was somewhat less prevalent among poorer women or those that had to work for a living, especially in the fields.

For me personally, this is a very interesting finding. There is a tendency that people from the lower social class imitate what people from the higher social class have been doing. In the case of this foot-binding, one can say that the lower social class people do not really understand the main cause of doing this. When women from poor family have their foot bound while they still have to do manual labor, they themselves will be in trouble. They do not mind it perhaps because they crave to be included into the high social class community? The stereotyping about “beautiful women” in Chinese culture always make people not use their common sense?

EUROPEAN CORSET WEARING

The history of when this corset wearing is not really convincing. Some sources mentioned corset (this term ‘corset’ itself started to be used in the nineteenth century) was used for the first time by Catherine de’ Medici, wife of King Henry II of France in the sixteenth century. If at first it was used “only” as a support for women’s body to “mold the torso into a cylindrical shape, and to flatten and raise the bustline”, several centuries later, especially in the middle of the nineteenth century, during the Victorian era, where the strong domestication of women’s lives started to be carried out rigidly, after the Industrial Revolution, ‘corset’ was believed to be a woman’s main need to support her body because women were thought of the weaker sex. Women need a ‘support’ to stand upright. 

Similar to the phenomenon of Chinese foot binding where at the beginning it was practiced among the wealthiest families, corset was also mostly worn by high class ladies. They did not need to do many household chores because they had paid servants at home to take care of such cumbersome matters. Lower class ladies would wear looser corsets and simpler clothes, with less weight.

The most shocking finding was in fact when a source said that the corset was deemed morally and medically necessary. Tight lacing was considered virtuous – a loose corset was probably a sign of a loose woman. To keep her innocence and virtuosity, a lady had to be chaperoned everywhere she went. A woman needed to protect herself from lustful men (and her own morality) by wearing heavily reinforced layers of clothing and tight corsets that made getting undressed a long and difficult task.

This hostile view towards women reminded me of one regional rule in one city in Indonesia where women who work as ‘masseuse’ have to wear  girdled panties to “protect” themselves from lustful customers. When a man cannot appease his immoral lust, women have to take the risk è imprison themselves. In this case, Indonesia indeed are left behind some centuries compared to those European countries.

In conclusion, one can say that these both practices were carried out out of misogyny toward women. However, those tricky men used ‘reasons’ to make women feel proud to be a part of them.: Chinese foot-binding: because women wanted to be labeled “good and respected” wives, not to mentioned ‘lifted’ as to belong to high class society; European corset wearing, not only to fulfill society’s requirement to look beautiful (by having waist only around 16 inches) but also to be morally virtuous. 

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Sex and the City 2 (the movie)



There are several parts in this movie that attracted my attention most:

1. Carrie's so-called 'scandal' to kiss Aidan
2. Miranda's decision to quit from her job
3. the private conversation between Miranda and Charlotte
4. the way the scriptwriter ended the story

CARRIE'S kissing Aidan

I remember in one serial of SATC where Carrie and Big were not a couple, they had a date in California, when Carrie attended her first book reading. Big seemed so guilty toward Carrie when reading Carrie's first book entitled SEX AND THE CITY because reading one article to another article to another in fact made Big realize how he hurt Carrie's feeling. Carrie -- who had been horny since leaving New York and expecting to have sex with Big (Carrie chose to do it with her ex boyfriend rather than with any other guy, a stranger) -- thought that the book became her big obstacle to appease her lust. So when Big refused to do it because he was worried if he would hurt her more, Carrie said, "Oh come on, it it JUST SEX." Big responded, "But in your book you said, "it is NOT JUST sex ..."

I did not think that Carrie would be that troubled due to the kiss she had with Aidan, although she did it accidentally because they accidentally met each other in one traditional market in Abu Dhabi, more than 6000 miles away from New York, although their dinner was not done accidentally. Carrie could have refused the dinner invitation, but she did come to Aidan's hotel.

 

 

After the short 'accident' kiss, Carrie rushed back to her hotel and told her best girl friends. Miranda and Charlotte who were still having a heart-to-heart conversation about their being a mother, were just speechless, could not say a word. They were too shocked to hear it or to see Carrie's troubled facial expression after doing it? LOL. (joking ...) While Samantha who was still having relaxing bath to prepare herself before dating a hot Arab man, 'easily' said, "Don't tell Big! It is JUST A KISS." when Carrie said that she had to 'repent' by telling Big the truth because she did not want to have any secret between Big and her. It is sooo Samantha. LOL.

Carrie eventually told Big. And he was shocked.

MIRANDA's decision to quit from her job

Although I repetitively said (or wrote) in my blog about the definition of being a feminist is to have her own authority to make any decision -- for example to work professionally or to be a full housewife -- Miranda's decision surprised me.

I love Aidan's remark on Carrie, "You are anything but being traditional."

I think this remark was also appropriate for Miranda (as well as Samantha). I would not think that Miranda would quit to be able to attend a ceremony at Brady's school to make him happy.

MIRANDA AND CHARLOTTE's private conversation

This part is very feminist. LOL. or you can say humane. :) Both Miranda and Charlotte were mothers. So different from Carrie and Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte's days were full of taking care of babies. Miranda got Brady 'accidentally' because she did not plan to get pregnant. Charlotte was on the way around. Charlotte and Harry, her husband, tried hard to get a baby. They adopted their first baby, while the second one was their own.

"I really want to be a mother but then when having two babies sometimes I want to get rid of them. I need some private time to be on my own!" Charlotte said.

"That is very natural, don't feel guilty for that. I experience that too after I decided to quit from my job." Miranda agreed.

Absolutely I agree with these two good friends. Everyone is entitled to have some private time to be themselves, to do anything they want, such as to be with their good friends. In this case, it means I also agree with Big's idea to sometimes live separately from Carrie, although it does not necessarily mean they do it regularly, let's say like Big's idea, to live separately for two days EVERY WEEK.

One surprising thing from the private conversation was when Charlotte -- the most traditional one of the four -- said that she was even more worried to lose her nanny -- she was outstandingly a very good one, and her babies love her -- rather than Harry. Erin was illustrated as a very sexy woman with big boobs and never wore bra! Charlotte was somewhat offended when Samantha said that probably Harry would get attracted to Erin and cheat Charlotte. And Charlotte several times saw with her own eyes how Harry got stuck to look at Erin's boobs in several occasions.

THE ENDING

I must say that I was disappointed to see how the scriptwriter ended each problem, especially Charlotte's problem with her nanny, Erin. The writer made Erin as a lesbian so that she would not get attracted to Harry at all. Why that simple? :-( (So, what do you expect Nana? Just like one sinetron in Indonesia? Despite the hot temptation, as a pious (probably?) Jew, Harry tried hard not to get attracted by Erin? LOL. And he successfully passed it. LOL.

That Big forgave Carrie for kissing Aidan was not a surprise. It was JUST a kiss and both Big and Carrie were grown-ups. The silly thing (seemed like teenagers anyway for me) was when Big asked Carrie to vow, "I will not kiss any other man but my husband." LOL.

That Miranda then found another job was very predictable.

And Samantha got hot and wild sex with that Arab guy was not a surprise. Samantha seemed to always get the same role, a very hot one. I adore her because I am not sure if I can be as sexually open as she is. LOL.

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Beliefs about God

In one session of my Religious Studies class, we discussed “Beliefs about God” in four religions: Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, and Sikhism. The previous week, we discussed “Beliefs about God in Christianity”. When getting the material, the students complained why they had to ‘study’ other religions than their own. (All of them adhere to Christianity except one student who said that he was an agnostic.) In Indonesia we have one well-known axiom “tidak kenal maka tidak sayang” or “if we don’t know one thing, we will not understand it, so we will not love it.” I used this as one reason.

In most schools in Indonesia, I am of opinion that the students get lesson about the religion they claim to adhere when registering, except those who study in schools that have label as Christian or Catholic or Islam schools. If a student studying in one Christian or Catholic school, although he or she is a Muslim, he or she has to attend Christian or Catholic class. Or if not the class, he or she is to attend the routine religious service. It also happens on the way around.

The school where I work now is an international school. This year we include ‘religious studies’ in the curriculum and we do not exclusively discuss only one religion.  I told my students that I expected them to understand the way people from other religions view their own religions, practice the religious teachings so that it will encourage mutual respect. Since most of my students are Christian and my background is Islam, we spent more time discussing these two religions. We just talked about Hinduism, Judaism, and Sikhism only based on the material I downloaded from www.bbc.co.uk/schools/

 
After the class was over, I asked my students to write a simple paper on their understanding of our discussion in the classroom. Below is one writing of my student who claims to be an agnostic.
 

There are many gods depending on the religions, so gods may vary. Since there are many religions, there are many gods. Since there are many gods, there are many swearing variations available (God xxxx it, Allah xxxx it) (please forgive my coarse language.)

Now to be serious.

Hinduism has many gods, there are three main aspects in this religion, and three gods. Brahma, the one who created everything; Vishnu, the protector in times of disaster or its like; and Shiva, the guy who blow stuff up. The main god, however, is called Brahman, the everything – except Indonesian community – is in him.

Islam, Indonesian’s religion and some terrorists, has one god, that is pretty much like a cheater in video games, and he is a pretty lonely guy too. He’s also got lots of nicknames. By the way, Islam religion’s heaven will never be entered by a guy like me because we have to remember Allah’s 99 names – 99 ARABIC NAMES! – we are screwed.

Judaism, like Islam, believes there is only one ***. It is but considered profane to use the nickname for their ***, so I will use ***. WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP IT? … Sorry for being satirical, this G-d is described as a pretty good guy, and that he is everywhere and can do anything, the prayer, Shema can give you an accidental feeling of being concentrating on Hashem’s something …

Sikhism, which I’ve never heard, has a god that is rather controlling, and has MANY names. Since I have limited knowledge of Sikhism, I will stop here.

Christianity, most abundant religions? Or just in Europe? It centers around god and Jesus Christ, but I have limited explanation except that it is not very different from other religions with the exception that the gods have specific names now, and a son too.

If I sound offensive to most of these religions, then I am sorry. I have never been feeling religious since the age of 10.

In the end, in my opinion, I believe that everyone should choose what they believe and tolerate others, but must not rely on their god, we must be independent, we are an entire species, after all. If we keep relying on beings above the sky, what will happen? And religion is currently hindering modern world, anyway. 

I opine that this particular student must feel lucky to have me as the teacher in his religious studies class. LOL. I just laughed loudly when reading his writing. Likewise, I also feel lucky to have him in my class. LOL. When the first time he said, “I think I am an agnostic, Miss. It is based on my own contemplation after reading books.” I directly told him, “Oh, we are on the same boat, then.” And since then on, we always have interesting discussion in this particular class. :) Before this, he was somewhat a quiet and shy boy to me. But recently, he is somewhat outspoken. :)

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Agnosticsm

How can we know if there is something we call 'God'?

The second topic to discuss in my religion class was God's existence. The material to be discussed was from God. As you can see in the website, the discussion on whether God exists or not was viewed from Christianity. One student said that her parents taught her to believe in Jesus. She said that at the beginning, she believed in it only because her parents taught her so. However, recently, she said she believes in it wholeheartedly that only in Christianity she feels saved.

Below is a summary written by one student of mine.

In many cultures and religions, God is mentioned many times. God seems to be the entire reason a religion is made. There also many different representation of gods. He has become quite an important figure in the spiritual world.

In the scientific world, however, God's existence is challenged by the requirement of proof. Not many people can claim God does exist just by saying He should. The scientific way of truth is based on disproving lies and proving true physical claims, but cannot see spirituality.

It should be noted that in this world, much more people will believe something that has been proven physically, someone cannot claim a man with double joints once existed without proof.

That is the weakness of religions:: no proof. Therefore, God's existence cannot be truly proven. That is why I say I am slightly agnostic, I am not sure whether he exists.

Does he exist or not? Why doesn't he show himself literally to the entire world? Why the secret? Is he real? Why are there many of him? Too many questions, aren't there? Those are mine. If they all can be answered, I'll choose to be Christian, or atheist, or whatever comes to my mind, although then again, I am too lazy to do much.

When seeing the background of his spiritual life, although only a little -- his mother never seriously teaches him about religions. He claims he reads scientific books and not religious ones. Perhaps as this academic year goes on, I will be able to dig more about him. :)

I am absolutely on the contrary from him. My childhood was full of religious teachings, reciting Alquran, memorizing hadith, learning fiqh, etc. I must say that the teachings I got were very patriarchal; that is why as a child, in fact I got a bit hurt to learn that women were the weaker sex in the so-called truest religion, the most perfect one. My life experience as one victim in patriarchal society, combined with my spiritual experience, plus the readings I chose to read as an adult made me somewhat agnostic.

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