About Marriage
By Denise Levertov
Don’t lock me in wedlock, I want
marriage, an
encounter—
I told you about the
green light of
May
(a veil of quiet befallen
the downtown park,
late
Saturday after
noon, long
shadows and cool
air, scent of
new grass,
fresh leaves,
blossom on the threshold of
abundance—
and the birds I met there,
birds of passage breaking their journey,
three birds each of a different species:
the azalea breasted with round poll, dark,
the brindled, merry, mousegliding one,
and the smallest, golden as gorse and wearing
a black Venetian mask
and with them the three douce hen birds
feathered in tender, lively brown—
I stood
a half-hour under the enchantment,
no one passed near,
the birds saw me and
let me be
near them.)
It’s not
irrelevant:
I would be
met
and met you
so,
in a green
airy space, not
locked in.
PT56 17.10 280307
Monday, April 02, 2007
Househusbands
Househusbands of the world, unite!
Julia Suryakusuma, Jakarta
Dina and Eddy are in their mid 30s, with two young children. They're an ordinary educated, middle-class Indonesian couple ... except that Dina is completing a PhD in anthropology overseas. That means Eddy, who has degrees in religious studies and strategic studies and used to be a journalist for a national newspaper, is now a househusband, and will be until 2010.
A typical day starts with Eddy dropping the children off at school and Dina at the university. At 8 a.m. he makes his way to the warehouse where he works part-time as a forklift operator. At 4 p.m., he picks up the children from school and Dina from university and they return home together. In the evening they cook and do household chores together but Eddy does most of it while Dina studies -- and right now he looks after everything, because Dina is away in Aceh for a few months doing field work.
Eddy sees their domestic arrangements as perfectly natural. "Family members," he says, "should take turns supporting each other, especially husbands and wives." Now it's Dina's turn to be supported, because she has the opportunity to further her studies and career.
A good Muslim, Eddy says everybody has the right to advance themselves. In fact, according to Islam, to advance yourself in the field of knowledge and education is more than a right. It is a sacred duty, and an obligation for both men and women.
The first word revealed of the Koran was "Iqra": READ! Seek knowledge! Be educated! Al-Zumr, paragraph 9, reveals: "Are they equal, those who know and those who do not know?" Al-Baqarah, paragraph 269, reveals: "Allah grants wisdom to whom He pleases and to whom wisdom is granted indeed he receives an overflowing benefit."
You may think, well, Eddy certainly comes from a progressive, modern background! You'd be wrong. Eddy's parents are just ordinary farmers, working paddy fields in Padang, West Sumatra. But in his family it was always common for the boys to cook, wash and clean up, as part of their training to become independent and self-sufficient adults.
This probably has something to do with the matrilineal traditions of his ethnic group, the Minangkabau, but Eddy sees it more in terms of his own personal family values: if you're part of a family, you put the interests of the family first. So, if an opportunity opens up for any family member, male or female, they should be supported, to advance the family as a whole.
I asked if his arrangements with Dina were unique. "No, no," he said. "We've got many friends who do what we do." He's right, of course. The househusband phenomenon is increasingly common, although it's still far from being recognized socially. In Indonesia, as elsewhere in the world, family structures are changing, as education and work opportunities increase for women, but also because of economic necessity. In the Philippines, for example, the number of children in the care of their fathers has hugely increased since the 1980s, as more and more women leave to become overseas workers.
For these women, their role as nurturer is changing to that of provider. There is a growing number of men who are, conversely, claiming their right to nurture. These are often not professed feminists, but simply ordinary guys who want to be fathers and husbands and support their children and partners at home. It's a humanizing phenomenon, the other side of the coin from women claiming their right to a role besides wife and mother.
This is the case with Timbo, a classmate of my son Aditya at the Queensland University of Technology (QUT) in Brisbane. Timbo used his degree in industrial design to work for a few years, but now his wife Jodi has a more lucrative job as a medical doctor. For the last two years he's been a full-time househusband.
"It's a challenge," he admits: with two infant children, he had to learn the art of childrearing on the spot, while handling all the demands of running a household and supporting Jodi. He says he needs to feel valued as a supporter, but he gets that, together with much personal satisfaction, in his role as a care-giver.
Parents and extended family members are supportive, but socially he feels it's assumed that men are the providers in all households. He told me of an incident when Jodi's credit card statements were sent to him, when in fact he was only a supplementary card holder -- just because he's a Mr. and not a Mrs.
Whatever gains feminism may have made, most men still think of themselves as meant to work -- outside the house. The stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that even Nena, an ardent feminist friend of mine, has mixed feelings on the matter. She told me that her journalist husband's dream is to stay home and write, look after the garden, and not worry about bringing money home, leaving all that to his wife. Nena admitted she wasn't sure she'd be happy to shoulder all the responsibility for keeping the family finances afloat.
Reconfiguring gender roles isn't always easy. Just imagine: if Hillary Clinton becomes President, then Bill, once the world's most powerful man, will become its most prominent househusband. How will he adjust to supervising the White House menu? I hope he's been watching the TV series Commander in Chief (Sunday nights on Metro TV in Indonesia) to pick up a few tips from Rod Callaway, the screen husband of Mackenzie Allen, "first Female president of the U.S."
Well, whether he likes it or not, Bill Clinton as househusband would probably make it a bit easier for Eddy and Timbo and all the other househusbands of the world, adored in private but overlooked in public. Who would have thought Bill would turn out be a feminist after all?
The writer is the author of Sex, Power and nation. She can be contacted at
jsuryakusuma@mac.com or jskusuma@dnet.net.id.
Julia Suryakusuma, Jakarta
Dina and Eddy are in their mid 30s, with two young children. They're an ordinary educated, middle-class Indonesian couple ... except that Dina is completing a PhD in anthropology overseas. That means Eddy, who has degrees in religious studies and strategic studies and used to be a journalist for a national newspaper, is now a househusband, and will be until 2010.
A typical day starts with Eddy dropping the children off at school and Dina at the university. At 8 a.m. he makes his way to the warehouse where he works part-time as a forklift operator. At 4 p.m., he picks up the children from school and Dina from university and they return home together. In the evening they cook and do household chores together but Eddy does most of it while Dina studies -- and right now he looks after everything, because Dina is away in Aceh for a few months doing field work.
Eddy sees their domestic arrangements as perfectly natural. "Family members," he says, "should take turns supporting each other, especially husbands and wives." Now it's Dina's turn to be supported, because she has the opportunity to further her studies and career.
A good Muslim, Eddy says everybody has the right to advance themselves. In fact, according to Islam, to advance yourself in the field of knowledge and education is more than a right. It is a sacred duty, and an obligation for both men and women.
The first word revealed of the Koran was "Iqra": READ! Seek knowledge! Be educated! Al-Zumr, paragraph 9, reveals: "Are they equal, those who know and those who do not know?" Al-Baqarah, paragraph 269, reveals: "Allah grants wisdom to whom He pleases and to whom wisdom is granted indeed he receives an overflowing benefit."
You may think, well, Eddy certainly comes from a progressive, modern background! You'd be wrong. Eddy's parents are just ordinary farmers, working paddy fields in Padang, West Sumatra. But in his family it was always common for the boys to cook, wash and clean up, as part of their training to become independent and self-sufficient adults.
This probably has something to do with the matrilineal traditions of his ethnic group, the Minangkabau, but Eddy sees it more in terms of his own personal family values: if you're part of a family, you put the interests of the family first. So, if an opportunity opens up for any family member, male or female, they should be supported, to advance the family as a whole.
I asked if his arrangements with Dina were unique. "No, no," he said. "We've got many friends who do what we do." He's right, of course. The househusband phenomenon is increasingly common, although it's still far from being recognized socially. In Indonesia, as elsewhere in the world, family structures are changing, as education and work opportunities increase for women, but also because of economic necessity. In the Philippines, for example, the number of children in the care of their fathers has hugely increased since the 1980s, as more and more women leave to become overseas workers.
For these women, their role as nurturer is changing to that of provider. There is a growing number of men who are, conversely, claiming their right to nurture. These are often not professed feminists, but simply ordinary guys who want to be fathers and husbands and support their children and partners at home. It's a humanizing phenomenon, the other side of the coin from women claiming their right to a role besides wife and mother.
This is the case with Timbo, a classmate of my son Aditya at the Queensland University of Technology (QUT) in Brisbane. Timbo used his degree in industrial design to work for a few years, but now his wife Jodi has a more lucrative job as a medical doctor. For the last two years he's been a full-time househusband.
"It's a challenge," he admits: with two infant children, he had to learn the art of childrearing on the spot, while handling all the demands of running a household and supporting Jodi. He says he needs to feel valued as a supporter, but he gets that, together with much personal satisfaction, in his role as a care-giver.
Parents and extended family members are supportive, but socially he feels it's assumed that men are the providers in all households. He told me of an incident when Jodi's credit card statements were sent to him, when in fact he was only a supplementary card holder -- just because he's a Mr. and not a Mrs.
Whatever gains feminism may have made, most men still think of themselves as meant to work -- outside the house. The stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that even Nena, an ardent feminist friend of mine, has mixed feelings on the matter. She told me that her journalist husband's dream is to stay home and write, look after the garden, and not worry about bringing money home, leaving all that to his wife. Nena admitted she wasn't sure she'd be happy to shoulder all the responsibility for keeping the family finances afloat.
Reconfiguring gender roles isn't always easy. Just imagine: if Hillary Clinton becomes President, then Bill, once the world's most powerful man, will become its most prominent househusband. How will he adjust to supervising the White House menu? I hope he's been watching the TV series Commander in Chief (Sunday nights on Metro TV in Indonesia) to pick up a few tips from Rod Callaway, the screen husband of Mackenzie Allen, "first Female president of the U.S."
Well, whether he likes it or not, Bill Clinton as househusband would probably make it a bit easier for Eddy and Timbo and all the other househusbands of the world, adored in private but overlooked in public. Who would have thought Bill would turn out be a feminist after all?
The writer is the author of Sex, Power and nation. She can be contacted at
jsuryakusuma@mac.com or jskusuma@dnet.net.id.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Killing and Suicide
There is one interesting phenomenon to ponder: there is a clear difference on the reason why men and women kill some other people before they commit suicide. Apparently men and women choose different victims to kill: men kill people whom they think rob their happiness, pride, and self esteem; while women kill people whom they think will suffer most after they commit suicide.
The “temptation” to commit suicide is of course because victims feel that they no longer can endure their “pain”, their depression due to problems accumulated in their lives. The reasons recognized are different: men’s reason is mostly related to their jobs; while women’s is mostly related to their familial problems.
One case taken as an example is a policeman shot his superior for transferring him to a smaller town. After that, this policeman committed suicide. He might have thought that his pride and self-esteem would decline because he was transferred to a smaller area. It hurt his pride as a man? Why didn’t he just commit suicide without killing anybody? He did not want to see the one who made him lose his dignity as a man alive safe and sound.
For women, the writer of the article took one case of a woman who killed her four little children, and then committed suicide. It was predicted that she had big financial problems while her husband was away and not easily accessible. This particular woman might have thought that nobody would take care of her children after she committed suicide. Therefore, in order not to make her children suffer more, she decided to kill them all. After death, no more misery, no more problems.
Another interesting finding (for me, at least LOL) is that women get depression more often than men. The comparison is about 3:1 (according to the writer of the article, based on patients coming to his clinic). However, women tend to be able to cope up with their depression much better than men do. When coming to suicide as the “solution” to end their misery, the comparison is on the contrary—men commit suicide three times more often than women do.
PT56 310307
The Ache of Marriage
The Ache of Marriage
By Denise Levertov
The ache of marriage
thigh and tongue, beloved,
are heavy with it,
it throbs in the teeth
We look for communion
and are turned away, beloved,
each and each
It is leviathan and we
in its belly
looking for joy, some joy
not to be known outside it
two by two in the ark of
the ache of it.
PT56 16.50 280307
By Denise Levertov
The ache of marriage
thigh and tongue, beloved,
are heavy with it,
it throbs in the teeth
We look for communion
and are turned away, beloved,
each and each
It is leviathan and we
in its belly
looking for joy, some joy
not to be known outside it
two by two in the ark of
the ache of it.
PT56 16.50 280307
Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her
Are you of opinion that people can read other people just by looking at them? Once I read somewhere, “Don’t think too much of what other people say about you. They don’t do it very often.”
THINGS YOU CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT HER is not a new movie, but quite interesting to watch and contemplate in our lives. The film has five short episodes that have respective main characters and stories although inevitably some characters also appear in another episode.
The first episode is entitled “This Is Dr. Keener”. Elaine Keener—the main character of this episode—is played by Glenn Close. Keener is an obstetrician who lives only with her elderly mother who already could not do anything except with the help of the nurse. One day she invited a fortune teller that then “read” her using cards. The fortune teller read Elaine as a lonely woman, secretive, aloof, no friend coz she was difficult to trust people, but she was tough with her being alone and lonely, bla bla bla... She had a crush on a younger workmate but he did not seem to respond her feeling.
A fortune-teller is absolutely believed that he/she can read other people. But relating it to the title of the movie, can other people “read” Keener exactly as what the fortune-teller “saw in the cards”: a lonely woman, secretive, aloof, no friend, but tough in her loneliness.
The second episode is entitled “Fantasies About Rebecca”. This is the most interesting and complicated one in my opinion. Rebecca played by Holly Hunter. She was illustrated as 39 years old She was single, had a boyfriend—another woman’s husband. Their secret relationship had been for three years. She was illustrated as six-week pregnant coz she forgot to protect herself when one day she had sex with him. She had decided to terminate her pregnancy before telling her boyfriend. When she told him about her pregnancy, he said the same thing—to terminate it.
I saw her as a very tough woman, almost without any feeling. However, perhaps she was disappointed when her boyfriend supported her to terminate her pregnancy. After telling him that she was pregnant and he told her to terminate the pregnancy, she was illustrated to go to a bar where she found one of her subworker—Walter, a man. Rebecca worked as a bank manager. After meeting at the bar, Walter and Rebecca ended that night by sleeping together. The following morning, Rebecca left Walter’ house when he was still sleeping. I interpreted it as perhaps Rebecca needed sex while her boyfriend went back to his house. Or she did that coz in fact she got disappointed by her boyfriend? Or she did that coz she thought that her body is hers so she was free to do anything she wanted to do with it—whether to have sex only with her boyfriend, or with anybody else as long as she felt okay with that, and her boyfriend didnt have any right to interfere.
Going back to Rebecca and Walter. When they met in the office the following morning, Walter kissed Rebecca in her cheeks and neck. Rebecca seemed awkward with that so that she looked so cold. When Walter said something intimate to her, Rebecca said, “If you think that this will be a regular romance, you are wrong.” Walter seemed dumbfounded to hear that, a little broken-hearted perhaps.
Background before she ended that night with her subworker. A bum “read” her as a bitch because she became a Bank Manager while she was a woman. Her male subworkers must not like to be under a woman, the bum said. (The conversation happened when Rebecca was smoking outside her office, leaning against her car because smoking was not allowed inside.) Nancy—the name of the bum—suspected Rebecca to do “bitchy” things to reach the top position.
Apparently what Nancy said a bit bothered Rebecca. That afternoon, she left early from the office because she wanted to check her pregnancy. Before leaving, she asked Walter to take care of the bank on behalf of her. Before she left, she asked Walter coolly, “Do you think male employees here have sexual fantasy about me?” Walter, smiling surprisedly, answered, “Maybe...”
After she underwent the process to terminate her pregnancy, though, she cried. Was she disappointed? What made her disappointed? That she had to lose her baby disappointed her? Or the fact that her boyfriend asked her to terminate the pregnancy disappointed her? However, before she told her boyfriend about her pregnancy, she already decided to stop the pregnancy. She said to her friend who happened to be the assistant of the obstetrician, “His wife will not like it if I have his baby.”
By the end of this episode, Rebecca was illustrated to refuse her boyfriend’s coming to her house. Did she start to realize that he in fact did not really love her. If he really loved her, he would let her keep the pregnancy, wouldn’t he? In Indonesia, having a baby is one of the main goals from a relationship, as the proof of the deep love between the couple. Perhaps it is like this too in many other areas in the world.
The end of the episode made me draw a conclusion that Rebecca wanted to stay away from her boyfriend realizing that he did not really love her, the proof is when he did not seem happy with Rebecca’s pregnancy. Her decision to terminate the pregnancy was not for herself but only to make her boyfriend happy that could mean she did not want to lose him.
The third episode is “Someone for Rose”. Rose—played by Kathy Baker—was a single mother with a teenaged son. She worked as a writer—a lonely profession—this was what her new neighbor said. Albert, a bachelor, moved back to the house left by his late mother. The house was located across from Rose’s. Rose saw Albert when moving in and quite interested in it because she had a new neighbor. On the same day she met Albert in the supermarket when shopping and then offered him for a lift on their way home. Only from this “short” encounter, they could “read” each other that they were both lonely and would enjoy the relationship together.
The fourth episode entitled “Good Night, Lilly, Good Night, Christine” illustrated a short episode of a lesbian couple. Lilly was terribly sick that would kill her soon. They met for the first time in a party, where Lilly arrived with another girl, Vicki. However, since the first time Lilly saw Christine, she already had a crush on her. After introducing to each other, soon they became very intimate and involved in an interesting talk. This made a woman ask Lilly, “Are you couple?” Christine was blushed to hear that, while Lilly answered, “I have a crush on her, yes.”
How easy or difficult to “read” people as homosexual? In Indonesia, this is not that easy. Many girls have good friends and they become very intimate but it does not mean that they are lesbians. However, this is perhaps because people are still not confident to open up their sexual orientation. Nevertheless, it is still difficult to find out two girls are lesbian couple only by looking at their intimacy. Probably because I am not one so I do not know.
The last episode is also very interesting. It is entitled “Love Waits For Kathy”. The most interesting thing from this episode is the strong sisterhood between Kathy (played by Amy Brenneman) and Carol (played by Cameron Diaz). They live together. Kathy worked as a detective while Carol worked as a teacher teaching to read using Braille. Carol herself was blind. Therefore, she depended on Kathy in some cases. Carol taught a little girl named June whose father asked Carol for a date several times. June said, “I know my dad likes you from the tone he is using when talking about you. However, I believe that he still loves mom.” Later that night, Walter—June’s father—didn’t show up in Carol’s house although he had promised her to have dinner out together.
An interesting dialog between Carol and June:
June, “Do you live alone?”
Carol, “No, I live with my sister.”
June, “Where does she work?”
Carol, “She is a detective.”
June, “That’s cool. Is she single like you?”
Carol, “Yes.”
June, “She is not blind of course. Why isn’t she married?”
Carol, “I think she just hasn’t found the right man yet.”
June, “I think she just doesn’t want to leave you all alone.”
Blind people will get difficulty to get life partner? Because other people do not want to be bothered by an invalid? It seems that what June said was quite right. Kathy possibly loved Carol very much so that she did not want to leave her. By the end of the story, Kathy was going out to have dinner together with a forensic doctor who helped her handle a murder or a suicide case. She did not tell Carol the truth that she was going with a guy. Instead, she said that she went out with her female friend. She did not want to hurt Carol? Coincidently at the same time Carol was waiting for her date, June’s father, who even went to a bar.
PT56 15.35 310307
Friday, March 30, 2007
Women Hollering Creek
Analysis on Sandra Cisneros’ “Woman Hollering Creek”
The story tells us about the life of a young woman named Cleofilas who loves watching telenovelas before getting married. This hobby makes her dream that she would live a life like the main actress in the telenovelas; a poor country girl who works for a wealthy family and the good-looking son of the family falls in love with her. “Cleofilas thought her life would have to be like that, like a telenovela…” (p. 226)
In telenovelas, although life is full of “all kinds of hardship of the heart, separation and betrayal” (p. 220), being loving all the time will make someone (in this case, especially a woman) survive in life and get happiness at the end. When getting married with Juan Pedro, Cleofilas dreams to have a similar life. She even does not pay attention much to what her father says to her in the hubbub of parting, “I am your father, I will never abandon you.” (p. 119). She thinks that love between a man and a woman is more beautiful than love between parents and children. How when a man and a woman love each other, sometimes love sours. But a parent’s love for a child, a child’s for its parents, is another thing entirely. (p. 220). Gradually Cleofilas realizes that love between a man and a woman can diminish, especially if both sides do not try hard to maintain their love, moreover when of them starts hurting the other. Cleofilas knows that men are selfish creatures, they do not treat women lovingly—why should women be loving to them? She sees some examples in her real life—not only in telenovelas. Her neighbor, Soledad, has been left by her husband without knowing where he goes; Maximiliano—one of her husband’s mate—is said to have killed his wife in an ice-house brawl; her own husband has slapped her many times until her mouth bleeds without knowing what makes her husband treat her that way. The bitterness she finds in her life makes Cleofilas aware that happiness she often sees in telenovelas is only a dream. “… now the episodes got sadder and sadder. And there were no commercials in between for comic relief. And no happy ending in sight.” (p. 226)
Observing what happened in this short story between women and their husbands, I remember some radical feminists—for example Mary Daly—who opine that marriage is the source of gender inequality. Once a couple is married, the husband things that his wife has become his property so that he is free to do whatever he wants to do toward his wife; e.g. whether he wants to treat her lovingly or cruelly. Therefore, radical feminists think that to stop men’s oppression toward women and to reach gender equality, a woman is not supposed to marry a man, a woman must work to be economically independent. Women must improve sisterhood among themselves to help one another.
Therefore, I like to read the last part of the story when Cleofilas decides to leave her cruel husband. (He has taken Cleofilas away from her family and home country, and in the new country where Cleofilas knows no one—she even does not speak English, only Spanish—he does not treat her well!) her husband does not give her anything but babies (and miseries!!!). Cleofilas can run away from her husband with the help of two women who actually do not know her well, but they do know that Cleofilas needs their help. From Felice, a woman who gives her a ride to San Antonio, Cleofilas gets a valuable lesson that a woman does not need any man to survive. “ … she didn’t have husband” (p. 228). A woman can survive and do whatever she wants in this life without depending on man. It even makes a woman free from any kind of oppression in a marriage and she can do anything to her heart’s content.
A Paper in Contemporary American Culture
Yogya, March 2004
Response on Coleman's Women of My Color
The theme of this poem is similar to that of Hurston’s Sweat—that black women are always oppressed. Hurston’s Delia—the black female character in the story—was always oppressed by her husband Sykes. Coleman said that black women regarded black women mostly as the enemy. People always try to oppress their enemy. So did Sykes toward Delia. I have never found a story where someone caresses his/her enemy, except to trap him/her.
Besides enemy, Coleman also mentioned that black men regarded black women as saints. This was also what happened in “Sweat”. The fact that Delia never fought back Sykes physically, that she did not complain, that she just kept quiet no matter how cruelly he treated her can be considered that Delia has a quality to be a saint in her. Once she said calmly, “Ah hates you, Sykes,” but it stopped there. She did not do anything else. Saints never take revenge; they accept whatever happens to them, whatever people do towards them wholeheartedly, they never complain. This is what I concluded when I read “Sweat”. Coleman’s poem really supports the way Hurston described Delia.
Black women are also regarded as mothers. It means that black men regard them as ones to deliver babies, breastfeed them, and then raise them. it is different from the role as a wife. I see it here that black men consider black women “machines” to produce babies, to continue their clan. Because black women are considered as machines only, it means no emotional bond, no love between black men and women. It dates back to the slavery time where black women were used to “produce” babies that would be slaves after the babies grew up. The more slaves to have, the wealthier the slave owners would be.
Black women as sisters here mean that they have to be ready anytime to give help to their brothers. And the last one, as whores, means that black women are just regarded as sexual objects. They have to be ready to give sexual satisfaction whenever and wherever black men want them. And of course the sexual relationship here is done only for lust, not for love.
In facing their ‘fate’—to be regarded as saints, mothers, sisters, whores, and enemy—black women do not do anything real to oppose it. Coleman said “we are victims who have chosen to struggle and stay alive.” Though they feel like they are living in a hell and want to die –“would be better to be dead I sometimes think”—still they choose to struggle and stay alive. They try to endure their bitter life.
In addition, Coleman said that not only do black women mistreat black women, white men think the same way as well. White men find black women exotic; therefore they like them and approach them. However, white men do that not to love them, only to make them sexual objects: “women of my race are regarded by white men mostly as whores”. In need to get sexual satisfaction, white men approach black women. After getting what they want, they will go away.
At the end of her poem, Coleman asked, “will I ever see the sun?” The sun here has a connotative meaning of hope—something that will brighten dark days. I conclude that Coleman asked whether there will be a change for the better in the way black men and white men regard black women, whether black women will have a better future. Coleman put it in the question form because she herself was not sure whether it would really come true or not.
A paper I wrote in America’s Multi-Cultural Literature, March 2003
Besides enemy, Coleman also mentioned that black men regarded black women as saints. This was also what happened in “Sweat”. The fact that Delia never fought back Sykes physically, that she did not complain, that she just kept quiet no matter how cruelly he treated her can be considered that Delia has a quality to be a saint in her. Once she said calmly, “Ah hates you, Sykes,” but it stopped there. She did not do anything else. Saints never take revenge; they accept whatever happens to them, whatever people do towards them wholeheartedly, they never complain. This is what I concluded when I read “Sweat”. Coleman’s poem really supports the way Hurston described Delia.
Black women are also regarded as mothers. It means that black men regard them as ones to deliver babies, breastfeed them, and then raise them. it is different from the role as a wife. I see it here that black men consider black women “machines” to produce babies, to continue their clan. Because black women are considered as machines only, it means no emotional bond, no love between black men and women. It dates back to the slavery time where black women were used to “produce” babies that would be slaves after the babies grew up. The more slaves to have, the wealthier the slave owners would be.
Black women as sisters here mean that they have to be ready anytime to give help to their brothers. And the last one, as whores, means that black women are just regarded as sexual objects. They have to be ready to give sexual satisfaction whenever and wherever black men want them. And of course the sexual relationship here is done only for lust, not for love.
In facing their ‘fate’—to be regarded as saints, mothers, sisters, whores, and enemy—black women do not do anything real to oppose it. Coleman said “we are victims who have chosen to struggle and stay alive.” Though they feel like they are living in a hell and want to die –“would be better to be dead I sometimes think”—still they choose to struggle and stay alive. They try to endure their bitter life.
In addition, Coleman said that not only do black women mistreat black women, white men think the same way as well. White men find black women exotic; therefore they like them and approach them. However, white men do that not to love them, only to make them sexual objects: “women of my race are regarded by white men mostly as whores”. In need to get sexual satisfaction, white men approach black women. After getting what they want, they will go away.
At the end of her poem, Coleman asked, “will I ever see the sun?” The sun here has a connotative meaning of hope—something that will brighten dark days. I conclude that Coleman asked whether there will be a change for the better in the way black men and white men regard black women, whether black women will have a better future. Coleman put it in the question form because she herself was not sure whether it would really come true or not.
A paper I wrote in America’s Multi-Cultural Literature, March 2003
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)