I am reading a book entitled KAJIAN BUDAYA FEMINIS (Feminist Cultural Studies) written by Aquarini Priyatna, one feminist writer in Indonesia. This book contains the collection of her papers having been published before in some journals or presented in some seminars.
The way she writes in those papers is like the way someone writes autobiography; it is similar to my way of writing articles in my blogs. That’s why I easily like reading it. And I agree with her that this way wil make the readers—especially women—feel like the “I” in the papers is themselves with their daily experiences dealing with patriarchal soceity.
One thing that I want to write here is her complaint on the local language used mostly in Central Java,East Jave, and DIY, three provinces located in Java island. Javanese language—so it is called, just like the ethnic group is also called Javanese—applies three different hierarchies. The highest is called Kromo Inggil, the middle is Kromo Madyo while the lowest is Ngoko.
People speak Ngoko to other people who are about the same level (social class including age). They speak Kromo Madyo to people they are not really close to although they are about the same level. They speak Kromo Inggil to people they respect. On the contrary, people who are respected can speak Ngoko to people who come from lower level.
Husbands speak Ngoko to their wives while wives speak Kromo Inggil. It shows that men have a higher level than the wives so that they must show their respect by using Kromo Inggil when speaking to the husbands.
Aquarini who is married to a Javanese man didn’t know this. When one day she used Ngoko language to the husband, the husband’s family members didn’t like it and consider Aquarini an impolite woman. As a feminist, It directly left a bad taste in her mouth coz using Javanese language made her less important than her husband. Then she asked her husband to speak the national language—Bahasa Indonesia—that doesn’t have such a hierarchy. She is lucky, I suppose, coz her husband didn’t complain and agreed with her.
In a way, it is a dilemma. When more and more people think like this, it will make Javanese language vanish. However, I agree with Aquarini that the application of three different hierarchies in this local language will make women feel inferior, as someone less important.
It reminded me of my own bitter experience in my first marriage. I didn’t use Kromo Inggil to speak to him in the past. However, I used to call Angie’s dad “Mas”, one term mostly used by Javanese people to show respect to men. He just called me my name. After we got divorced, I no longer call him “Mas”. It left a bad taste in my mouth! It really made me forced to be the less important party only coz I was born female; and he the respected one only coz he was born male!
Perhaps for many people it is just a trivial thing. But to me—also to Aquarini—and perhaps also to some other feminists—this is a principle thing in life.
It reminds me of questions asked by many people to me, “Why do you feminists bother those things taken for granted for centuries and try to deconstruct them? Why don’t you just live in peace by accepting everything just the way it is? (Read => to accept that men are the better sex, the superior, the smarter, the stronger, etc.)
We just want to have equality. It sounds easy but difficult to make it real.
PT56 11.26 100706
Monday, July 10, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Breast Ironing
'Breast ironing' to stunt girls' growth widespread
1 in 4 girls in Cameroon suffer this abuse to protect against rape
Friday, July 7, 2006; Posted: 9:49 a.m. EDT (13:49 GMT)
YAOUNDE, Cameroon (Reuters) -- Worried that her daughters' budding breasts would expose them to the risk of sexual harassment and even rape, their mother Philomene Moungang started 'ironing' the girls' bosoms with a heated stone.
"I did it to my two girls when they were eight years old. I would take the grinding stone, heat it in the fire and press it hard on the breasts," Moungang said.
"They cried and said it was painful. But I explained that it was for their own good."
"Breast ironing" -- the use of hard or heated objects or other substances to try to stunt breast growth in girls -- is a traditional practice in West Africa, experts say.
A new survey has revealed it is shockingly widespread in Cameroon, where one in four teenagers are subjected to the traumatic process by relatives, often hoping to lessen their sexual attractiveness.
"Breast ironing is an age-old practice in Cameroon, as well as in many other countries in West and Central Africa, including Chad, Togo, Benin, Guinea-Conakry, just to name a few," said Flavien Ndonko, an anthropologist and local representative of German development agency GTZ, which sponsored the survey.
"If society has been silent about it up to now it is because, like other harmful practices done to women such as female genital mutilation, it was thought to be good for the girl," said Ndonko.
"Even the victims themselves thought it was good for them."
However, the practice has many side-effects, including severe pain and abscesses, infections, breast cancer, and even the complete disappearance of one or both breasts.
The survey of more than 5,000 girls and women aged between 10 and 82 from throughout Cameroon, published last month, estimated that 4 million women in the central African country have suffered the process.
"You ask me why I did it?" said Moungang. "When I was growing up as a little girl my mother did it to me just as all other women in the village did it to their girl children. So I thought it was just good for me to do to my own children."
Common in town
The practice is now more common in urban areas than in villages, because mothers fear their children could be more exposed to sexual abuse in towns and try to suppress outward signs of sexuality, the survey said.
Its findings have prompted a nationwide campaign to educate mothers about its dangers and to try to eradicate it. A similar campaign some years ago helped drastically to reduce rates of female genital mutilation in Cameroon.
"A girl...has to be proud of her breasts because it is natural. It is a gift from God. Allow the breasts to grow naturally. Do not force them to disappear or appear," said a leaflet from the campaign.
Moungang said she stopped ironing her daughters' breasts after one girl developed blisters and abscesses.
"I took her to the hospital and the doctor scolded me and advised never to do it again because it could ruin my daughter," she said.
"When Mariane married and delivered her first baby, it took a long time -- about a month -- for her breasts to start producing milk and the child almost died. I was told it was because I had ironed her breasts. I was frightened."
The younger a girl develops, the more likely she is to have her bosom ironed -- 38 percent of girls developing breasts under the age of 11 had undergone the procedure.
The practice is most common in the Christian and animist South of the country, rather than in the Muslim North and Far North provinces, where only 10 percent of women are affected.
The survey found that in 58 percent of cases breast ironing was carried out by mothers worried that the onset of puberty could provoke sexual harassment, inhibit their daughters' studies or even stunt their growth.
Many mothers were alarmed because an improvement in nutrition and living conditions had caused young girls' breasts to develop earlier than ever.
Destroying breasts
"Massaging the breasts with hot objects is painful, very painful, and can completely destroy the breasts," said Bessem Ebanga, executive secretary of women's rights group RENATA, herself a former victim.
"Some girls could be traumatized throughout their lives and their sexual behavior could be disturbed forever."
Thirteen-year-old Geraldine Mbafor could not hold back her tears as she narrated her ordeal.
"I had just finished doing my homework when my mother summoned me to the kitchen. She boiled water and in the water she put a grinding stone. She then removed the stone holding it with a thick cloth to protect her hands, and placed it my breasts and started ironing them," she stated.
"I felt so much pains that I started crying. After that she bandaged my breasts with a band called breast-band ... She did this to me for two and a half months."
According to 14-year-old Amelia, who would not give her family name, her breasts started developing when she was 9. Her elder sister decided to massage them every evening with a towel soaked in hot water.
"This was very painful, and every evening before I slept, she would put a big elastic belt well fastened round my chest to flatten my breasts."
"Six months later the flesh that held my breasts was already weak. At 10, I already had fallen breasts and each time I undress I'm ashamed and it is a big complex."
Nevertheless, support for and opposition to the tradition remains evenly balanced. According to the survey, 39 percent of women opposed it, while 41 percent expressed support and 26 percent were indifferent.
For Ndonko, the campaign is a battle to respect the physical integrity of young girls -- with broader implications for human rights.
"If nothing was done today, tomorrow the very parents may even resolve to slice off the nose, the mouth or any other part of the girl which they think is making her attractive to men."
Copyright 2006 Reuters. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
1 in 4 girls in Cameroon suffer this abuse to protect against rape
Friday, July 7, 2006; Posted: 9:49 a.m. EDT (13:49 GMT)
YAOUNDE, Cameroon (Reuters) -- Worried that her daughters' budding breasts would expose them to the risk of sexual harassment and even rape, their mother Philomene Moungang started 'ironing' the girls' bosoms with a heated stone.
"I did it to my two girls when they were eight years old. I would take the grinding stone, heat it in the fire and press it hard on the breasts," Moungang said.
"They cried and said it was painful. But I explained that it was for their own good."
"Breast ironing" -- the use of hard or heated objects or other substances to try to stunt breast growth in girls -- is a traditional practice in West Africa, experts say.
A new survey has revealed it is shockingly widespread in Cameroon, where one in four teenagers are subjected to the traumatic process by relatives, often hoping to lessen their sexual attractiveness.
"Breast ironing is an age-old practice in Cameroon, as well as in many other countries in West and Central Africa, including Chad, Togo, Benin, Guinea-Conakry, just to name a few," said Flavien Ndonko, an anthropologist and local representative of German development agency GTZ, which sponsored the survey.
"If society has been silent about it up to now it is because, like other harmful practices done to women such as female genital mutilation, it was thought to be good for the girl," said Ndonko.
"Even the victims themselves thought it was good for them."
However, the practice has many side-effects, including severe pain and abscesses, infections, breast cancer, and even the complete disappearance of one or both breasts.
The survey of more than 5,000 girls and women aged between 10 and 82 from throughout Cameroon, published last month, estimated that 4 million women in the central African country have suffered the process.
"You ask me why I did it?" said Moungang. "When I was growing up as a little girl my mother did it to me just as all other women in the village did it to their girl children. So I thought it was just good for me to do to my own children."
Common in town
The practice is now more common in urban areas than in villages, because mothers fear their children could be more exposed to sexual abuse in towns and try to suppress outward signs of sexuality, the survey said.
Its findings have prompted a nationwide campaign to educate mothers about its dangers and to try to eradicate it. A similar campaign some years ago helped drastically to reduce rates of female genital mutilation in Cameroon.
"A girl...has to be proud of her breasts because it is natural. It is a gift from God. Allow the breasts to grow naturally. Do not force them to disappear or appear," said a leaflet from the campaign.
Moungang said she stopped ironing her daughters' breasts after one girl developed blisters and abscesses.
"I took her to the hospital and the doctor scolded me and advised never to do it again because it could ruin my daughter," she said.
"When Mariane married and delivered her first baby, it took a long time -- about a month -- for her breasts to start producing milk and the child almost died. I was told it was because I had ironed her breasts. I was frightened."
The younger a girl develops, the more likely she is to have her bosom ironed -- 38 percent of girls developing breasts under the age of 11 had undergone the procedure.
The practice is most common in the Christian and animist South of the country, rather than in the Muslim North and Far North provinces, where only 10 percent of women are affected.
The survey found that in 58 percent of cases breast ironing was carried out by mothers worried that the onset of puberty could provoke sexual harassment, inhibit their daughters' studies or even stunt their growth.
Many mothers were alarmed because an improvement in nutrition and living conditions had caused young girls' breasts to develop earlier than ever.
Destroying breasts
"Massaging the breasts with hot objects is painful, very painful, and can completely destroy the breasts," said Bessem Ebanga, executive secretary of women's rights group RENATA, herself a former victim.
"Some girls could be traumatized throughout their lives and their sexual behavior could be disturbed forever."
Thirteen-year-old Geraldine Mbafor could not hold back her tears as she narrated her ordeal.
"I had just finished doing my homework when my mother summoned me to the kitchen. She boiled water and in the water she put a grinding stone. She then removed the stone holding it with a thick cloth to protect her hands, and placed it my breasts and started ironing them," she stated.
"I felt so much pains that I started crying. After that she bandaged my breasts with a band called breast-band ... She did this to me for two and a half months."
According to 14-year-old Amelia, who would not give her family name, her breasts started developing when she was 9. Her elder sister decided to massage them every evening with a towel soaked in hot water.
"This was very painful, and every evening before I slept, she would put a big elastic belt well fastened round my chest to flatten my breasts."
"Six months later the flesh that held my breasts was already weak. At 10, I already had fallen breasts and each time I undress I'm ashamed and it is a big complex."
Nevertheless, support for and opposition to the tradition remains evenly balanced. According to the survey, 39 percent of women opposed it, while 41 percent expressed support and 26 percent were indifferent.
For Ndonko, the campaign is a battle to respect the physical integrity of young girls -- with broader implications for human rights.
"If nothing was done today, tomorrow the very parents may even resolve to slice off the nose, the mouth or any other part of the girl which they think is making her attractive to men."
Copyright 2006 Reuters. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Hypocrisy
Another hot topic to be discussed in the mailing list is this “contract marriage”. Some “hypocritical” people don’t call such practice as a prostitution coz the marriage is done properly according to Islamic law—the dowry paid, the ulema, and the witness. It means that the wedding is legal so that sex done after that cannot be categorized as prostitution.
They seem to forget that when doing anything, the most important thing is the intention (in Arabic we call it as “nawaitu”).
It is clearly seen that the practice of such marriage is only to legalize sex, and not really to create a “sakinah” family (sakinah => pious), the one thing believed as the most important when two people get married.
When people just play with such rules, how can they be sure that what they do is blessed by God, meaning not generate sin?
PT56 07.30 060706
They seem to forget that when doing anything, the most important thing is the intention (in Arabic we call it as “nawaitu”).
It is clearly seen that the practice of such marriage is only to legalize sex, and not really to create a “sakinah” family (sakinah => pious), the one thing believed as the most important when two people get married.
When people just play with such rules, how can they be sure that what they do is blessed by God, meaning not generate sin?
PT56 07.30 060706
Contract Marriage
Contract marriages is not a new trend here in Indonesia. Since the furniture business reached its peak around 5-7 years ago in one small town close to Semarang my hometown, many local people have done that. The foreigners who have the money marry local women to have such a business. This local “wife” will make their business run more easily when dealing with the local government. When they think that the business is not longer fruitful for them, they can just close the business, “divorce” their wife and go back to their countries.
Some parties get benefit from such business. First, the foreigners—they get much profit from this business. Second, the local women—from being poor, suddenly they become the “owner” of a business. When their “husband” is back to the native country, usually these women already have enough capital to start their own business, or, well, as the deposit for their future without having to work hard anymore as long as they can manage the money wisely. Third, the local government—the income resulted from this business of course supports the development of the area—e.g. the infrastructure. Fourth, the local people who get jobs to work in such companies also those who can open other kinds of business to fulfill the need of the furniture companies, such as cyber cafes, until hotels, restaurants, tourist resorts when the foreigners come to visit their business.
Some years ago, I read an information about the practice of a bit similar contract marriage that happned in East Java. One village is popularly known as a place where the women are available for such marriage. Many men go to that place to look for a kind of woman they want to “marry” as the second or third or nth wife. Those men usually already have their “formal” wife in their original place and they visit their “secret” wife only once a week. Although “secret”, the marriage is done “properly” following the “rules”—the men pay the dowry, there is an “Ulema” who marries them in Islamic way and also some people to witness the wedding matrimony. One case I read about a smart woman is that at the same time she can have four secret husbands that visit her at different time. After having some husbands, she no longer needs to work hard to earn her living. The four husbands absolutely don’t know that this woman “smartly” makes use of them.
In the case of the short contract marriage among the Arabian tourists and Indonesian women, some people get benefits too of course, including the women involved. However, oftentimes these women are just made use by the bureaus, they get much money from the tourists but they don’t give the women as much as they deserve. These women must learn to be “tricky” as the woman I mention in the above paragraph.
PT56 07.23 060706
Some parties get benefit from such business. First, the foreigners—they get much profit from this business. Second, the local women—from being poor, suddenly they become the “owner” of a business. When their “husband” is back to the native country, usually these women already have enough capital to start their own business, or, well, as the deposit for their future without having to work hard anymore as long as they can manage the money wisely. Third, the local government—the income resulted from this business of course supports the development of the area—e.g. the infrastructure. Fourth, the local people who get jobs to work in such companies also those who can open other kinds of business to fulfill the need of the furniture companies, such as cyber cafes, until hotels, restaurants, tourist resorts when the foreigners come to visit their business.
Some years ago, I read an information about the practice of a bit similar contract marriage that happned in East Java. One village is popularly known as a place where the women are available for such marriage. Many men go to that place to look for a kind of woman they want to “marry” as the second or third or nth wife. Those men usually already have their “formal” wife in their original place and they visit their “secret” wife only once a week. Although “secret”, the marriage is done “properly” following the “rules”—the men pay the dowry, there is an “Ulema” who marries them in Islamic way and also some people to witness the wedding matrimony. One case I read about a smart woman is that at the same time she can have four secret husbands that visit her at different time. After having some husbands, she no longer needs to work hard to earn her living. The four husbands absolutely don’t know that this woman “smartly” makes use of them.
In the case of the short contract marriage among the Arabian tourists and Indonesian women, some people get benefits too of course, including the women involved. However, oftentimes these women are just made use by the bureaus, they get much money from the tourists but they don’t give the women as much as they deserve. These women must learn to be “tricky” as the woman I mention in the above paragraph.
PT56 07.23 060706
Sex, anyone?
I remember one topic I once discussed with Rick, some time in 1999, about his being upset why he often found chatters from countries where the majority of the pople are Islam adherents—including Indonesia—who always asked him a lot about sex. It seemed to them that nothing else was more interesting to talk about than sex.
I also remember when I often went online via IRC, some time in 1999-2000, I often found guys from Arab countries—e.g. Pakistan, Abu Dhabi, Turkey—that easily said to me that out of the blue they fell in love with me and then offered me to come to their countries to spend my holiday there, and for that they would send me the tickets, etc.
For the first topic, I related it to the perspective of people (that come from such countries) about sex: that sex is something taboo, dirty, sinful, etc. Something hidden like this always triggers people to feel curious to know more. However, those people feel shy to talk about that, and they don’t want to be considered as someone sinful (coz they are always haunted by the indoctrination they get from society), someone bad, etc. And they find internet as the best and safest place to find out about sex coz they can hide their identity, people don’t see them directly so that they can talk about anything. In the cyber world, they can fulfill their hunger and thirst on sex. After they go back to the real world, they “come back” again as “good” and “pious” people who consider that sex is something sinful, dirty, etc to conform the society’s norm.
For the second topic, I related it to the abusing idea proposed by the vice president of Indonesia that I mentioned in the previous post—encouraging Arabian tourists to come to Indonesia and “marry” the local girls only during their stay here and then divorce them after the visit is over. I just read a message from one mailing list I join about a special village in West Java (one province in Java island, Indonesia) that is popularly called as Kampung Arab (Arab village) located in Puncak, one hilly area with cool weather and beautiful green scenery. The nicknamed—Kampung Arab—was made coz there is some certain time during one whole year when many Arabian tourists coming there to “have fun”—alcohol and sex parties. Such “business” is not handled by the local people though—such as the hotels, the food, the guides, inluding providing girls for fun—it is carried out by professional people coming from the neighboring cities, such as Jakarta. The local municipality already complained about it but they cannot do much coz those tourists donate much money to develop some infrastructure.
If I blend the first and the second topic, these Arabian tourists in their native country must conform to their society’s norm—that sex is something embarrassing and sinful. However, they cannot control the natural call that sex is something humane and natural and they need that. And as a result, they look for the so-called paradise somewhere else, not in their own countries.
PT56 06.49 060706
I also remember when I often went online via IRC, some time in 1999-2000, I often found guys from Arab countries—e.g. Pakistan, Abu Dhabi, Turkey—that easily said to me that out of the blue they fell in love with me and then offered me to come to their countries to spend my holiday there, and for that they would send me the tickets, etc.
For the first topic, I related it to the perspective of people (that come from such countries) about sex: that sex is something taboo, dirty, sinful, etc. Something hidden like this always triggers people to feel curious to know more. However, those people feel shy to talk about that, and they don’t want to be considered as someone sinful (coz they are always haunted by the indoctrination they get from society), someone bad, etc. And they find internet as the best and safest place to find out about sex coz they can hide their identity, people don’t see them directly so that they can talk about anything. In the cyber world, they can fulfill their hunger and thirst on sex. After they go back to the real world, they “come back” again as “good” and “pious” people who consider that sex is something sinful, dirty, etc to conform the society’s norm.
For the second topic, I related it to the abusing idea proposed by the vice president of Indonesia that I mentioned in the previous post—encouraging Arabian tourists to come to Indonesia and “marry” the local girls only during their stay here and then divorce them after the visit is over. I just read a message from one mailing list I join about a special village in West Java (one province in Java island, Indonesia) that is popularly called as Kampung Arab (Arab village) located in Puncak, one hilly area with cool weather and beautiful green scenery. The nicknamed—Kampung Arab—was made coz there is some certain time during one whole year when many Arabian tourists coming there to “have fun”—alcohol and sex parties. Such “business” is not handled by the local people though—such as the hotels, the food, the guides, inluding providing girls for fun—it is carried out by professional people coming from the neighboring cities, such as Jakarta. The local municipality already complained about it but they cannot do much coz those tourists donate much money to develop some infrastructure.
If I blend the first and the second topic, these Arabian tourists in their native country must conform to their society’s norm—that sex is something embarrassing and sinful. However, they cannot control the natural call that sex is something humane and natural and they need that. And as a result, they look for the so-called paradise somewhere else, not in their own countries.
PT56 06.49 060706
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Quote of the day
"Stride forward with a firm, steady step knowing with a deep, certain inner knowing that you will reach every goal you set yourselves, that you will achieve every aim."
-E.Caddy
-E.Caddy
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Islam
I got the following article from a mailing list I join: #Sastra-Pembebasan#. Very lovely and deep thought. :)
Islam Yang Saya Yakini dan Pahami
Sebagaimana yang saya yakini dalam Islam sebagai agama saya. Dalam Islam kebenaran mutlak ada di tangan Allah SWT. Manusia berhak berpegang pada kebenaran tersebut. Namun demikian, tak berhak memutlakkan kebenaran itu.
Tidak ada manusia di dunia ini yang dapat mendefinisikan kebenaran secara Absolut.
Islam mengajari saya bahwa keragaman itu adalah Sunnatullah. Keseragaman adalah sama hal dengan kemustahilan.
Penolakan atau pemasungan terhadap keberagaman tentunya melawan Sunnahtullah dan penunggalan nilai akan mengalami pembutaan dan kebuntuan abadi.
“ Iman harus menjadi kebebasan nurani Individu.”
( James Madison 1751 – 1836)
Iman dan keyakinan yang benar di inspirasikan oleh persuasi pemikiran rasional, bukan karena paksaan dan kekuatan.
Islam datang pertama ke Indonesia melalui jalan damai, bergaul dengan kebudayaan setempat dan kepercayaan yang sudah ada sebelumnya. Bukan datang membawa golok, kelewang dan pentungan, menghujat kesana-kemari, merusak apalagi membakar.
Sedangkan sekarang ini yang terjadi di negeri yang kita cintai, Indonesia adalah ajaran mengatas-namakan Islam oleh sekelompok orang yang mengaku akhli dalam Islam dengan perilaku kekerasan, pemaksaan, yang seolah-olah suara mereka adalah suara Tuhan.
Umat lain yang non muslim di Indonesia juga bukanlah di sebut Zimmiy. Karena arti sesungguhnya Zimmiy adalah orang non muslim yang di takhlukkan pada jaman Muhammad SAW.
Umat non muslim di Indonesia ada sebelum islam datang. Ini semua harus kita terima fakta dan sejarah yang jelas, tentunya dengan lapang dada serta menerima sebagai keabadian yang hakiki.
Muhammad SAW. Datang membawa rahmat adalah benar adanya. Beliau turut menggenapi agama-agama dari Allah SWT. sebelumnya. Menggenapi bukan berarti membuang yang sudah ada.
Agama di turunkan oleh Tuhan untuk manusia, bukan manusia untuk agama. Artinya agar manusia satu dan lainnya berlomba-lomba berbuat baik dengan sesama.
Lantas, mengapa Allah SWT. Tidak menciptakan semua manusia satu agama, satu ideologi, satu ras, satu bangsa, satu bahasa, atau satu golongan. Tetapi begitu teramat sangat beragam ?
Jawabnya adalah agar kita saling mengenal satu dan lainnya,memiliki tali-rasa pada sesama dan bersikap toleran terhadap perbedaan dan prural. Begitulah sebaik-baiknya iman.
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