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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Nosy Culture ...

Some days ago, I had a talk with a good friend. We really feel fed up with the “nosy” nature of Javanese culture, or probably Indonesian culture. To see single people, we tend to ask them, “So, when will you end your living single? It is really unhappy to live single, isn’t it?” INDEED, it is not easy to live single in a marriage-oriented society like in Indonesia. Like it or not, if you are still single, moreover if you are more than thirty years old, people will besiege you that question. It doesn’t matter whether in fact you yourself don’t feel bothered with that. Your living single doesn’t bother you. Those people with that question do, though. Right?

After at last you get married, the following question asked to you is, “So, when will the baby come to your life? Marriage is absolutely not perfect without having any kid.” When you have been married for some years and no kids yet, those people will look at you pitifully. This will make you feel that there is something wrong with your life. I must admit that many people, especially who are already married, want to have babies—either to continue their generation, or to make them considered “complete” by society, or many other reasons. And as we all know not all people are fortunate to be able to have babies. Don’t people in our society realize that the question “When will you have a baby?” asked to those ‘unfortunate’ people even will make them feel bothered and more miserable?

Where is our empathy?

After you have one baby, the following question is, “So, when will he/she have a younger sibling? Having one baby only is not enough, of course. You will make your baby lonely later.” And I think such a question is not asked to show courtesy, but to some extent, I come to the conclusion that it is really annoying coz interfering our business. It is not easy to have a baby/kid. We need much money to raise one with good nutritious food, good clothes, and the most important thing is good education to prepare his/her future. It is not cheap, is it?

After having more than one baby, perhaps people are not nosy anymore.

My good friend and I, in fact, were suspicious why they stop being nosy? Perhaps they think, “Gotcha!!! Now you share similar problems with me! It is not easy to live with a spouse and children. We’ve got to work hard to make ends meet. We’ve got to take care of our children so that they will grow up as “good” kids so that we will be considered as “successful parents”. Welcome to the real world!”

Why don’t we just care our own business and let other people live in peace with their choice? People are free to choose to live single, and be happy with it. Or to live with their spouse without any kid, and be happy with it.

Mind your own matter.

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