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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

What I’d Like Every Woman To Know About Married Men Who Cheat


this article was copied from here


What I’d Like Every Woman To Know 

About Married Men Who Cheat


I’ve written about my experience as “the mistress.” It was an article that unleashed both an outpouring of emotional confessions and unbridled fury against me.
There’s not one part of me that condones cheating. Before my experience sleeping with a married man, I was the type to utterly condemn people who had affairs. I had zero sympathy for people like that. And then — it happened to me.
Long story short — the affair was full of heartbreak, chaos, and abuse.
I was 100% responsible for my own actions and I’ve come out of the experience with new wisdom.
With this wisdom, I want to continue talking about this subject because it’s become clear to me that many kind, intelligent, women have also found themselves embroiled in affairs from which they can’t seem to easily get themselves out of.
It’s not always about an evil vixen who only has intentions of stealing another woman’s man. Often times, it’s a sensible, functional woman who slips and falls for a person who is incredibly experienced in manipulation and deception.
There are subtle, insidious ways in which a married man who cheats on a regular basis can seduce a smart woman.
In the beginning, these guys are often friendly, charming, and non-threatening. They might start out making idle conversation and some of them will openly discuss their wives and family seemingly with the pride of a happily married man. Generally, whether you’re a single woman or a woman in a relationship, you won’t think too much of this kind of casual chit chat.
Quite often, this kind of interaction happens in the workplace (which is where it happened with me) but it can also happen in other settings.
Typically, most married men who are serial cheaters begin to groom their intended target by showering them with compliments, acting as a shoulder to lean on, or even going so far as to bring them gifts. Eventually, they’ll find a way to get your phone number, stalk you online, or find some other means to communicate with you on a regular basis.
Most of the time, it’s not important to this kind of guy if the woman is married, in a relationship, or single. There are, however, married men who are looking to aggressively control just one woman as their mistress and will choose a single woman so they can isolate her more easily from family and friends.
The character I became involved with was a serial cheater. I was single and recovering from my divorce at the time. I didn’t find out about his many dalliances until we started talking more. He was very open about it after several conversations. I would even go so far as to say he normalized his behavior as if it was what everyone did.
The main kicker is when this type of man begins to confide in you about how miserable they supposedly are within their marriage. They’ll start to gripe about their spouse in such a way that leads you to believe they are headed for a separation or divorce. They may also complain about their sex life — or lack of — in most cases.
Many men will express a decline in attraction to their spouse, insinuating they’re deprived sexually in some way.
One of the most common tactics a married man who cheats will use is to lie about their current living situation. The most common lie is that they’re sleeping in separate beds or on the couch because they need to stay in the home for some reason. Usually it’s, “for the kids.”
They may also go as far as to say divorce papers are close to being signed (as in my case). Most of the time, this is not the case, and usually they are still sleeping in the same bed with their spouse and are sexually active with them.
Unfortunately, for a lot of women, once they have sex with someone — even if it’s with someone who’s married — they may start falling in love and believe pretty much any lie they’re told. Believe me — I know.
The person I became involved with was a controlling, jealous, manipulative cheater. Though he had engaged in multiple affairs, he didn’t want me to see anyone else outside of our relationship. It sounds insane, but so many women find themselves in this trap.
Finding yourself in a seriously complicated and stressful relationship with no easy way to extract yourself is not a healthy place to be. Affairs can flip from passion to anxiety very quickly. It’s almost never worth it.
The carnage of an affair can last a lifetime. For the most part, married men who are regular cheaters never have intentions to leave their wives. Essentially they want it all — at everyone else’s expense.
I can’t change what happened in my past but hopefully, what I’ve learned from my experiences can help someone who’s in this kind of situation right now.

To The Single Woman Who Has Given Up On Relationships — But Still Really Wants One

this article was copied from here.

To The Single Woman Who Has Given Up On Relationships —  But Still Really Wants One



To the single woman who has completely given up on dating and relationships, but still has the desire for a partner: I want to tell you something. I may not be in your shoes at this moment because I’m now married, but I was once perpetually single. I gave up. I didn’t even go out or attempt to meet anyone. I was done.
I was single for many years in my late 20’s and early 30’s. I wish I could say it’s because my standards were too high, but it wasn’t. I didn’t even learn how to have standards until I’d already made one terrible relationship decision after the other.
It’s okay to not want to be in a relationship or to not want to deal with the mess that relationships are at times. If you’re rockin’ the single life and want to enjoy it for many years to come — more power to you. But if you’re still single and you are wishing you had someone, I’m here to tell you that it’s not impossible, even if it seems like you’ll be alone forever.
There’s a theory out there that if you want to be in a long-term relationship with someone you have to “settle.” But what does that really mean? Does it mean you have to lower your standards for wanting a kind, committed person who loves you? NO. Does it mean you might have to put up with someone’s weird habits or odd interests?
Actually, YES.
I am not the perfect partner. I’m moody, I’m messy, and I’m kind of a control freak for starters. I’ve made some very unfortunate relationship choices in my lifetime. I married an abusive person who was addicted to drugs — eventually divorcing. After that, I ended up having an affair with a married man who was also abusive. Then I tried my hand at online dating but didn’t find anyone who fit what I thought I wanted.
Needless to say, I was definitely challenged in the romance department. I didn’t think I deserved better than what I was choosing. And I paid a steep price. I lost valuable time and the hope that I’d ever find a partner in life who truly cared about me.
I thought I was destined to be alone. I thought there was something wrong with me — a defect that prevented me from having happy relationships with healthy individuals. In reality, I just needed to reset my expectations and learn how to be healthy and functional on my own first.
We are all flawed in so many ways. Someone who you may think is less attractive than you, less intelligent than you, or even less “together” than you may have no problem finding a loving partner. You could be the most compassionate, funny, successful, desirable, well-organized person on the planet and still not find anyone who sticks with you.
Everyone has something going on that hinders their chances of opening up to a potential love interest. Some people have trust issues that need to be overcome. Some people have trouble communicating their needs properly and have to work harder at it. Some people have held on to a very specific set of expectations for an ideal partner that they may need to let go of — at least a little bit.
If you truly want to find a long-term partner, you may have to endure some initial discomfort. You may have to talk about your feelings when you’d rather not. You may have to compromise on certain expectations you’ve carried around with you. You may have to deal with the reality of someone’s idiosyncrasies.
There is never going to be the perfect time. There is never going to be the perfect person. Certainly, if you never leave your house or meet anyone outside of your bubble it may never happen at all. Get yourself out of your comfort zone. Get out in the world. If you don’t want to do that, then try a reputable dating site.
What you think you want in a partner may not be the best or healthiest choice for you. Be open. My current partner did not fit my “type” at all, but going on a date with him ended being the best chance I ever took.
I’m not telling you to “settle.” I’m telling you that if you want to find a person to have a relationship with who cares about your well-being, cheers for your successes in life, and truly loves you — you’ll not only need to learn how to accept their flaws just as you want yours to be accepted, but you may also have to simply take a chance.