Man = a cheater?

 

Kim Cattral as Samantha Jones

“Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls—because they can. It's part of their biology.” Samantha Jones, SATC.

 

Once upon a time, I was just a naïve girl. Then this female friend came into my life. She told me things like what Samantha said to her 3 friends, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte. Of course the trigger was not because Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte were as naïve as me, lol. The four friends were talking about 'cheating curve' that there was possibility for everyone to cheat.

 

Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.

Miranda: That's moral relativism!

Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating. I wanted to tell him that I was afraid he could never love me the way I wanted to be loved. I was afraid that maybe he didn't really have the capacity to love anyone but himself. I was afraid that given the chance, he'd break my heart again.

 

In the episode, they were talking what things could be defined as cheating: for some people, only to flirt with someone else was already categorized into cheating. For some others, perhaps only flirting was just okay, as long as the partner didn't involve physical actions, such as kissing, necking, petting until intercourse.

 

In that episode, Charlotte caught her (new) date kissing another woman, and he asked for an excuse by saying, "We were just kissing." Miranda then said one of her ex-date who said that fuck*ng was not cheating. In this part, Samantha responded, "Men cheat for the same reason that dog licks their balls."

 

As someone who was raised in a rigidly religious family, I grew up being naïve and I absolutely never thought of cheating. I, in fact, once considered that sex was something filthy even among married couples. Doing something religious was much more respectful for both parties.

 

And this friend came to my life, 24 years ago, to tell me, "Trust me mbak, sex is the first thing on men's mind, during day and night! So if you want to keep your husband to stay loyal to you, give him what he wants: sex." (Note: I was married back then.)

 

 

Then when I continued my study at American Studies Graduate Program, I got to know Toni Morrison, whose novel -- SULA -- was discussed in one subject. What Morrison illustrated in the novel strengthened what my dear friend said to me, "Men want sex. When they don't get it from their wives, they'll look for it outside." Plus, Morrison seemed to have the same opinion with Samantha too: "Men cheat because they can, it's part of their biology."

 

Of course I know that not all men are like what Morrison wrote in SULA. At least I have one role model for this: my own dad. (Bless my mom and dad in heaven.) But I think, I sometimes still feel naïve.

 

PT56 13.59 14.09.2023