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| the pic is taken from this link |
Growing up, my mother was terrified about the day I would
learn about sex. She coached me to pretend to be sick and go to the nurse’s
office in grade school just so I would miss Magic Johnson’s sex education
video. When I was as young as eight, she’d tuck me into bed with the warning, “be
good!”
My mom was afraid that I’d started masturbating long before I even
knew what she was talking about. As far as she was concerned, I didn’t need to
know anything about sex. In high
school, she refused to let me get nutritional counseling because she was so
sure it was just some ruse to get birth control against her wishes.
I got older and mom warned me that only evil people “played
with themselves”. Masturbation was a form of sexual deviance, and then the
church echoed that idea.
In the 1990s and early 2000s, purity culture was a very big
deal. The ministry internship (ahem, cult)
I entered after high school also taught that masturbation was a sin, because
lust was a sin.
During my internship year, Ron Luce (cult leader) gave an
infamous sex talk where he outlined what was and wasn’t okay when it came to
sex within a “godly” marriage. Masturbation was off the menu and he relayed a
story about how “a very famous preacher” once told Ron he was grateful for
masturbation whenever he was on the road and separated from his wife.
Ron bragged about setting the preacher straight. There was no
room for discussion. Masturbation was sinful. Lust was sinful. The marriage bed
was beautiful as long as the husband and wife faced each other during
intercourse, the wife never said no, and the couple refused to engage in oral
sex or masturbation.
But masturbation doesn’t just get a bad wrap in certain
Christian circles. It is not uncommon to hear secular folks jabs at people by
mocking masturbation. Chronic masturbator is just one insult. Culturally, we
make jokes that people who masturbate have too much time on their hands. Or can’t
find a partner.
Sex with
benefits
Those who advocates for abstinence do so in part because they
believe the safest sex is the zero sex. But masturbation is legitimately the safest sex around. I have to laugh
even because people use the bible to push early marriages, saying it’s better
to get married than to burn with lust.
Sigh. Seriously? It’s either abstinence or marriage? Let’s not pretend that idea isn’t terrible because
guess what – that’s a horrible message.
Most sex education gives no credence to the benefits of
masturbation, and that’s too bad. Sexual beings
shouldn’t be shamed for being sexual beings. People don’t need to feel
guilty about behaving naturally – nor do they need to be kept in the dark about
the benefits of solo sex.
Unlike sex with a partner, masturbation won’t put a person at
risk for an STI or pregnancy. Yet, masturbation is still sex. When your body experiences an orgasm, you reap the
benefits of stress reduction, lowered blood pressure, greater immunity, and
even pain relief.
Masturbation is also a natural and positive way to get to know
your own body, and discover what you need to reach orgasm. You get to indulge
in your own fantasies, if that’s your thing. You get to experiment and even be
selfish. Allowing yourself to masturbate is a positive thing akin to exercise
or giving yourself a break as needed.
People aren’t any more prone to abusing masturbation or
becoming addicted than any other habit. It’s only a problem for you if it
interferes with the rest of your life – like practically anything else.
Women, in particular, can benefit from masturbation because it
teaches them to take their pleasure into their own hands. Literally. That’s a plus since so many women would ordinarily
hesitate to become more than a bystander in their own sexual encounters with a
partner.
But men can benefit from masturbation – especially when it
comes to learning how to possess greater control over their orgasms. They also enjoy
a reduced risk of prostate cancer with more orgasms. So, masturbate away, guys.
To be fair, masturbation isn’t only for single people. Couples
can enjoy masturbation together or apart to help keep things interesting. (I am
wincing as I type this out – but how else can I say it?)
Masturbation is a basic sexual activity that some couples
refuse to even talk about, like watching porn or feeling attraction for other
people. Except that masturbation is much more harmless than other hot-button
couples’ issues.
The
drawback of solo sex
Typically, humans crave some amount of intimacy and connection
with other humans. Sex isn’t always (just) about feeling good. It’s also about
making someone else feel good. Often, it’s about some sort of relationship.
That’s really the only place where masturbation might not fit
the bill. If you’re needing the connection of a partner. Even so, solo sex
deserves much more respect than we currently give it.
There are times when we have sexual needs, but getting it on
with someone else may not make sense. The act can help take the edge off when
needed and keep us more in tune with our bodies.
Masturbation is a healthy way to scratch a much-needed itch without the complications of having
another party involved if that’s not what you need.
And I don’t know you, but I am not interested in repeating the
sex education lessons of my youth which said young people were to not only
abstain from partnered sex and birth control, but even masturbation.
Contrary to what you might
have heard, masturbation isn’t gross or limited to losers. You’re not deviant
if you do it and you’re certainly not a sinner. It doesn’t cause blindness.
If you happen to masturbate, congratulations – you’re human.
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