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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A nosy male in the nosy society

One female workmate of mine—her initial is A—is married to a guy who is nine years younger than she is. (A is 37 years old now.) A graduated has bachelor’s degree while her husband only graduated from senior high school. And they come from different social class, A is from a middle class family while her husband comes from a low class family. This couple really becomes a very good example to “break” society’s consensus that men must have “more” things than their life partners—older, higher educational background, richer, not to mention taller (in physical feature), you name the other things.

Fortunately (or unfortunately?) I have a male workmate who is really nosy, who always thinks that to be happy in this life, someone must follow that unwritten consensus I mentioned above. His initial is R.

Two years ago, when my workmates and I attended A’s wedding party, R showed his disappointment of A’s choice. “This marriage will not last long.” I remember he said so. And he suspected that A married that guy only coz she wanted to get rid of “unwanted old spinster” stigma soon. After that, in the office, sometimes R nosily asked A, “Are you sure you can satisfy your hubby in bed?” Since I hated to hear that question, I directly responded, “Don’t you ever know that women in their middle thirties reach the peak of their sexuality? Her husband in his age is the best partner to do that.” LOL. I know R felt bothered with my response coz in his eyes, I have become a weird creature since I resumed my study in American Studies Graduate Program. LOL. Therefore, he didn’t give comment on my response.

Some weeks later, R asked A again, “Have you known how to satisfy your hubby in bed?” Wittily, A responded, “Oh well, you know he is the one who has been searching the best way how to satisfy me; and not on the way around.” LOL. Annoyed, R said, “Don’t get close to Nana. She will poison you.” LOL.

Yesterday A told me about her difficulty to wake up during the night to take care of her one-year-old baby when she is awake. Her husband does that. A cheerfully told me about that, without feeling burdened. (NOTE: the stereotyping in the patriarchal society, children must be closer to the mother rather than the father, the mother must spend more time to take care of the children, and not the father. If not, society will easily consider the mother as irresponsible woman.) And I supported her by telling her that it is okay to share the duties to take care of the children with her husband.

The nosy R who overheard this immediately commented, “Hey, don’t you want to get God’s blessing? How could you let your husband do your duties as a woman?” I sternly responded, “Oh you know, God decides who God will give blessings, and not human beings do that. Don’t be a wise guy.”

I remember some time ago when A told me about her husband’s cooking while she “played” with her baby, R commented a similar thing, “Cooking is supposed to be the wife’s duties in the household chores, and not the husband’s.” When A’s husband does that happily, why should R complain?

I believe there are really many other similar bossy men here in Indonesia, and perhaps in many other countries too???

PT56 11.00 120906

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