Today, Thursday, April 6, 2006, I have been sitting in front of this computer for some hours, exactly around two and a half hours, checking emails and blogging. Some time ago, some workmates of mine were here after we attended a teachers' meeting. After the meeting, some friends lingered, and some others left directly, perhaps coz they had to go somewhere else, to help make their ends meet. :-D
I have nothing to do today, so I continued sitting on this chair, staring at the monitor, checking emails, opening some posts of mine in my blogs, reading some friends' comments, opening some friends' blogs, writing comments on their posts, bla bla bla ...
It is 1pm right now. Most of my workmates have gone. I stay put. I want to write something here coz I feel restless. But I don't think I can write what has made me restless here.
Ah, suddenly I remember one post of my friend, about "relationship". What is relationship? What's so important in it? Is it a must to get involved in a relationship? Or is it just a right?
As someone who gives the most priority for people to be themselves, of course I will say that to be involved in a relationship is just someone's right. It depends on us how much we need to be in a relationship. Perhaps people will say that everybody needs to be in a relationship. NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. It means everybody will always need everybody else. We are social creatures so of course we need other people.
But, what I mean as relationship is not such a thing. In a relationship = when we are involved with someone else emotionally, including physically and spiritually.
Recently, more and more women refuse to be involved in a relationship coz they are not sure if they still enjoy their FREEDOM as a woman, to do anything they want to do. My sister's friend, for example. She got involved in a bit serious relationship with one of her ex classmate at college. When their relationship was getting more serious, in fact, she started to ask herself whether she really needs to be TIED, with many responsibilities (well, we cannot avoid those relationships, can't we? Our choices in life in doing something will always engender some responsibilities we have to hold.) For example, she loves writing, and works a freelance writer. She usually writes in the middle of the night when it is quiet and she if full of ideas. Will her lover let her do that? Many men think that, one "advantage" to get married is to get "live blanket" accompanying them in the night. Will they let their "live blanket" sit in front of a computer and busy typing something? This is only one example.
Now I want to talk about myself. When living in a boarding house in Yogya alone, I was often awake till midnight, sometimes more than midnight, perhaps busy typing something in my computer, or writing diary, or reading books. I usually let the lamp on so that when suddenly I was awake in the middle of my sleep, I could easily continue reading, or jump from my bed to the stool in front of the computer and continue typing.
After I went back to my hometown, I shared the bedroom with my only teenaged daughter. She usually goes to bed early, around 9-10pm. She will complain if the lights are still on coz she loves sleeping in the dark. It means I cannot type on my computer or read books before sleeping. I must say that I have lost of many ideas to write due to this.
She has my flesh, and bones, and blood. I cannot be selfish to force her to sleep with the lights on, although sometimes I still do that, and ask her understanding. And since she was born, we have been involved emotionally, spritually, physically, intellectually, bla bla bla ...
I am wondering whether I can lose more FREEDOM to do anything else in my life if I am to live in a relationship with selfish companion ("Darling, it's already late, why don't you just turn the computer and the lights off and go to bed with me? It is for your own health, for your own sake." it can be read, actually that he just doesnt let his live blanket away from him in the night! "Honey, why don't you close your book and put it away now? You can continue reading it tomorrow with fresher body after resting your body this whole night. It is for your own health. You will not need to wear thicker glasses. and so on and so forth ...)
Well, everything changes. This is the best natural law. Perhaps I will change too one day. Perhaps later I will fall for someone madly, deeply, blindly, truly, bla bla bla ... and I will leave all those habits PEACEFULLY? (and lose my being creative? ups ...)
(NOTE: it is your own mistake, Nana, why being creative in your opinion is only related to typing something in your computer and reading books to look for ideas to write. How about be creative in making your loved one happy, by being his creative live blanket, let's say? LOL.)