Polygamy versus Having Affair

 

In Indonesia, where it is claimed that the majority of its citizens are Muslim, you can imagine that people think polygamy is not the same as having an affair. Polygamy is socially accepted (although not preferred for sure) but having affair is not although it does not mean that you will not find any case like that. :D However, I believe the phenomena about this having affair is not as bad as having sex outside wedlock. :)

I have been idle from blogging for years, except blogging about my biking activities. (You can check about this biking blog of mine here. I write mostly in Bahasa Indonesia though.) I have been very active on facebook these past a few years but I seldom write anything to expose my feminist way of thinking. I took it for granted that my facebook friends know I am a feminist. #smile ... I forgot that the last time I posted about feminism years ago, and of course I have got more 'friends' there, those who do not know that I am a feminist.

This post of mine was triggered by one comment of one facebooker on one status of mine, innocently stating that polygamy is endorsed in Islam. He even said that God asked Muslim men to have more than just one wife. :)  I was almost furious when reading his comment. LOL.

In short, in that post I wrote that in fact -- at least for me and (I believe) for many other feminists or those who avoid calling themselves as feminist, but humanist instead -- polygamy is the same as having affair. Both refer to disloyalty, the husband/the wife let himself/herself fall in love with another.

The difference is the practice of polygamy -- read it as polygyny meaning one man with more than one wife -- is 'protected by alquran (Surah An-Nisa verse 3). The verse gives Muslim men right to marry more than one woman, and what they do is ok. On the contrary, when people use the term "having affair", both men and women are socially condemned when doing it. When using the term polygamy, men are supported to do that, women are not allowed to do it, because 'it is against natural law'. :) However, when using the term "having affair" -- not related to any religion -- both men and women are wrong. There is equality here. As a feminist, I love equality. LOL.

So come on guys, be responsible! When you cannot be true to your partner, don't hide yourself behind your so-called holy book. Accept the fact that you are too condemned! LOL.

IB180 14.53 19/12/2015

P. S.:
When looking for pictures in google, I found out that in fact there have been many writings on this topic, polygamy versus having affair in Bahasa. I haven't opened those websites though. Nevertheless, I could conclude that those  writings are to defend men who practice polygamy. How boring! LOL.

Homosexuality and a friend

Several years ago, I got a comment from someone in this post of mine. Then I found out that in fact this "commentator" was someone that I personally knew, though at that time we have not met yet.

In my (real) life, that was the first time I knew someone that 'boldly' came out to me, a girl, who openly said that she was a lesbian. (Through one mailing list I joined, I 'knew' a guy who came out to be a gay and then became an activist in LGBT in Indonesia. We have never met in person yet. But I remember my 'surprised' feeling reading his 'coming out' article in the mailing list for the first time, years ago.) I was really elated knowing that. Moreover, she and her (then) partner opened themselves by writing in a blog, about their relationship, their happiness and sorrow, their obstacles in their relationship, etc.

From their blog, I knew they met for the first time in one social media, by joining a 'lesbian' group. The group is a kinda cyber gathering for anybody labeling themselves as a lesbian who are looking for friends/partners who are also lesbian (of course).

Many times I have read articles/true stories about homosexual people. Perhaps because in Indonesia people do not welcome (yet) homosexual relationship, many of them then eventually leave their gay/lesbian partner to marry someone from opposite sex; perhaps to make their parents happy (because their parents ask them to get married), or due to social pressure. Maybe their marriage lasts long; but I also read that some of them finally cannot deny their 'nature call' to be born as gay/lesbian so they choose to get separated from their spouse.

This friend of mine, let's call her A, wrote in the blog that she was born to be lesbian, never feel attracted to any boy romantically. On the contrary, her partner, B, has been in some relationships with guys before having relationship with A. Not clear though whether B 'finally' followed her nature call, or just got bored with unhappy ending relationships with guys.

I thought -- to my naivete -- their relationship would last long. Isn't it easier to live together -- without getting married -- with the same sex in Indonesia rather than with the opposite sex? As long as they do not expose romanticism to the surrounding, people will not think that they are lesbian couple.

To my surprise, though, they broke up after having the relationship for three years.

My next curiosity, then, was, will they have another relationship with another lesbian (especially A who seemed to be a 'straight lesbian' :p ) or with a guy?

Just a few days ago, I found their blog again. (They changed the we address now and then so I lost track.) The blog still existed with some new posts. They were written by A, expressing her uncomfortable feeling being separated. She seemed that she still could not accept the separation although she has tried to show she is tough. B doesn't post anything there.

And I was struck by melancholic feeling. :(

If one day A has a crush on with a guy, moreover marry him (perhaps to make her parents happy or with other reasons), I will totally be broken-hearted. In my (real) life, I have never known a 'real' lesbian who will always follow her nature then. :)

If B has a crush on with a guy then marry him, I still can accept it. She had several relationships with guys before, after all. :) Perhaps when she decided to break up with A, she realized that no matter what, she is straight, not a bi, or a les.

IB180 20.16 17/12/2015