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| Samantha and Smith |
In (the so called) Western culture, where people can have sex with anybody they want -- as long as both parties agree -- and they do not need to bother thinking about 'being sinful to have sex outside wedlock', why should they get married? Or why should they still want to be in a 'relationship'?
(background of this thinking was: most of my 'respondents' (read => my students) answer when asked, "why people get married" was to be able to have sex 'unsinfully' and legally.)
I sometimes think this way. In my favorite serials SEX AND THE CITY, the three main characters (Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte) were shown to be okay to be in a relationship, only Samantha refused to be 'tied' in such a relationship. In one episode entitled "Plus One is the Loneliest Number", Carrie illustrated that New Yorkers will feel that their life is complete if (1) they have steady job (2) they have a place to live (3) a plus one. A plus one here is not always necessarily related to a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, but this one can also refer to a child.
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| Charlotte and Harry |
Charlotte -- the most conventional girl among the four girls -- always thinks that having a plus one is important; this will make her feel loved and not alone to live her life; this will make her feel not miserable. Due to her love to Harry, she even converts to Jew in order to marry him. Miranda and Carrie undergo a long way to look for someone the most compatible with them; until Miranda realizes that Steve -- the father of her baby Brady -- is the one. Carrie -- the first main character -- finally ends up with Mr. Big a.k.a John Preston, the guy she falls in love with at the first sight in the first episode of season one, after a long up and down journey of their love.
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| Miranda and Steve |
Why do they need to be in a steady relationship? And not enough just having random sex partners? First, perhaps to feel secure in one relationship, that there is someone beside them, that will do anything to make their life feel easier and better. Second, of course a safer sex, because they have steady partner for that.
Charlotte is the first of the 3 girls (Samantha is not included) who gets married. It is apparently due to the fact that she belongs the conventional type. Getting married is Charlotte's teenage dream. Miranda finally marries Steve after several breakups and realizes that Steve is the best partner for her, moreover Steve is the father of her baby.
Carrie refuses Aidan's proposal in season 4 because she is not sure whether she really loves him. She seemingly cannot let go Mr. Big's presence from her heart. Carrie and Mr. Big get married in Sex and the City movie 2. Why finally get married? And not just enough be in a relationship? Perhaps New Yorkers still worship marriage. Haha …
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| Carrie and Mr. Big |
Samantha is the unique character because she seems to be highly confident with herself. Of course during 6 seasons of SATC, Samantha has several steady relationships. The first boyfriend is James, with whom Samantha patiently waits until their fifth date before making love. Unfortunately, James has a small dick that Samantha cannot accept. The second one is Mr. Cocky. On the contrary from James, Mr. Cocky is told to have too big dick Samantha cannot handle. The third is Chivon Williams. Their relationship doesn't last long because Adeena, Williams' sister doesn’t like to see her brother date a white woman. The fourth is Maria, the first time Samantha is told to have a lesbian partner. Their relationship doesn't last long because Maria is easily jealous of other men who want to date Samantha; and Samantha herself is not ready for a steady relationship with someone, moreover this someone is a woman. The fifth is Richard, the playboy. Samantha cannot accept the fact that many women like to date him, the rich tycoon. And the last one, Smith Jarrod, the sexiest and most loving boyfriend despite their quite big age gap.
Unfortunately, although Jarrod patiently and devotedly stays with Samantha while she is battling her breast cancer, and their sexual drive is compatible to each other, Samantha eventually says goodbye to her. This is perhaps either she belongs to the type who cannot stay with one steady partner; or Smith is too young for her.
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How about in Indonesia?
Some time ago, I had a casual talk with a loved one. He told me about his (ex) workmate who refuses to get married although "he loves having sex". I asked him whether his friend refuses to get married because he doesn't want to be responsible with any 'burden' in a marriage. He said, "perhaps." when I asked him whether his workmate had sex with any random partner, he said no. perhaps he has a steady relationship with someone, only he doesn't want to marry her? Or is it their commitment together that they are just be in a domestic relationship without getting married? Unfortunately I don't get the answer yet. Because I am of opinion that even though the relationship is 'only' domestic, both of them must face the 'burden' together.
Meanwhile, another good friend of mine told me that his girlfriend doesn't want to get married. She only wants to be in a domestic relationship without legally getting married. My question is: is it already openly acceptable in Indonesia? Moreover in small cities? (not in metropolitan such as Jakarta.)
I also interviewed another friend whether he doesn't want to get married. He has a girlfriend. And he said, it is up to her whether they will lead the relationship into marriage. He also said that perhaps if he and his girlfriend live abroad, they will not think marriage knot is important, because he believes that domestic relationship is okay there. So, if until now he is not married yet, it is not because he avoids the 'burden' in a marriage. He let his girlfriend decide.
Another interesting story from a friend is that her college mate -- a transsexual woman -- is married (or perhaps 'only' in domestic relationship?) with a woman and live together 'normally' (I mean just like a common man-woman relationship) in one district in DIY. The neighbors know that one of the women is a transsexual one. And they accept this pair. Isn't it lovely?
To conclude, indeed, to be in a relationship or not depends on us. We are the ones who will be responsible with the consequences.
PT56 13.48 2 September 2022
